Singing for a smaller me

(Post title shamelessly stolen from a friend's Facebook update this morning - Thanks C!!!)

Mondays, in general, are not my most favorite of days (unless it's the Monday of a three day weekend - in which case, they are awesome). Can't imagine many people who regularly enjoy Mondays, but those who do most likely are retired or are some sort of crazy person - my apologies to those who aren't crazy and like Mondays.

My Monday began pretty spectacularly - she says sarcastically - so I'm gonna take a minute to kvetch:

Had a tough time sleeping last night. The DH needs noise in the background in order to sleep and so we head to sleep with the tv going. Normally, it's a show I've seen roughly a dozen times so I can tune it out, but last night it was Farscape. Infinitely interesting and a ton of episodes I haven't seen. Wound up having to poke him awake to change it. Not so much of a problem. Still plenty of time to sleep.

After the television was changed to something relatively innocuous, I started to drift off when what should I hear but pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, etc. Joy. Some kids were setting off firecrackers. Have I mentioned fireworks/firecrackers can trigger my anxiety? Small doses of firecrackers or scheduled fireworks shows (can you say Disney??) are just dandy, but randomly? In the middle of the night? When I'm trying to sleep? I probably would've been fine if it had been just once, but ooooohhh nooooo, it had to happen four times over the course of an hour - every time just as I was getting my anxiety under control and starting to fall asleep. I was moments away from calling 911 when it stopped.

I finally managed to fall asleep between 1:30 a.m. and 2 a.m. so not so much a happy Zan this morning. In the slightest.

To top it all off, I've got the creeping crud that's just bad enough to annoy me, but not bad enough to lay me up. Oh, and I slept wonky on my shoulder/neck Saturday night which leads to even more unpleasantness. GRRRRR.

Okay, kvetching done.

On to my weekend. One or two things aside, it was a pretty awesome weekend.

My Weekend Fail: there were two goals I set for myself this weekend: 1) Check out Gold's Gym; and 2) Buy new black dress pants for work. Neither of which were completed. Bad Zan. No Cookie.

Because I'm basically a glutton for punishment, I decided to give 24hr Fitness another try. It's great to get on my moral high horse about supporting companies that don't care about their customers, and it's another thing to have to drive ten miles (okay maybe five) to use another gym. Remember, the 24hr Fitness is probably half a mile from my house - it's hard to ignore that kind of convenience, and I know I'd use the distance to the other gym as an excuse.

The buying of the pants? Can't tell you why it was an issue, I mean I did go out shopping on Sunday. Heck, I even found myself in a store selling black dress pants! But for some reason it didn't even cross my mind as something to do.

On the other hand, the rest of Sunday's shopping trip was quite successful and made of much less Zan fail. Items acquired: trekking poles (for hiking), ice cube tray for water bottles (this thing is awesome - long, round ice cubes - perfect size), and most importantly - new bras. I've needed new bras for months, and the DH helpfully gave me a $50 gift certificate to Frederick's for Christmas. Yes, Fredericks! In we went, they measured me, suggested a few, I tried them on, and out I walked with three gorgeous new titslings. Goodbye forever, Lane Bryant bras!!!!

Friday, I mentioned planning a Saturday hike, which, sadly, didn't pan out. I was a little upset, but it was probably for the best. The heavens opened up around 3 p.m. and didn't let up for 24 hours. Getting caught out in the rain would have sucked with this crud that's settled in my sinuses. I took the opportunity, however, to get in a longer workout at the gym: 35 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the stationary bike.

Besides my bra victory, I enjoyed another fabulous NSV in my calorie counting experiment: the Sunday Brunch buffet. Successfully navigated this mine field, enjoyed myself, got my money's worth, and stayed within the number of calories I established as "acceptable" for both breakfast and lunch. It was a revelation actually, realizing that I was eating both breakfast and lunch in the same meal, and not just a late breakfast. Huh.

Finally, since I promised I'd share this, I went to WW for my official weigh-in on Saturday. Here are the results:

Week of 1/23/11 - 1/29/11 Stats

Weigh-in Day: Saturday, January 29, 2011

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 221.8
Current Weight: 220.0
Difference: -1.8 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -71.6 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 24.5%

Interesting to note there's about a two and a half pound difference between my scale at home and the one at WW. I share the higher of the two numbers here (the WW scale) and count that as my official weigh-in.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough and covered waaaayyy too many topics, so I'll sign off for now. Have a great one folks. Oh, and I'll be sharing a great recipe real soon!

Mondays are not my best of days. Okay, I'm a right gumpy b*tch come Monday morning: slow to wake up, wishing it was Saturday again, and dragging in general. Then there's that whole motivation thing which isn't at a high point. Oh, did I mention the generous measure of guilt over not following my plan as well as I could over the weekend? Yeah, that's Monday wrapped up in a nutshell.

As it goes by weekends, this one was pretty unusual. See, I'm usually not the best about sticking to my "on plan" guns any given Saturday-Sunday period, but *this* weekend I worked out both days, managed to drink enough water (and a little too much beer - HAHA!), and stayed pretty close to my DPT (Daily Points Target). Weird, man, seriously weird.

Funny then, I should still feel that inevitable weekend guilt upon waking up this morning. WTF?!? Is it spillover from other weekends when I seriously screwed the pooch? Do I just need to feel guilty about something? Because there's plenty of other good sh*t to feel bad about.

Eh, Whatever.

Somehow, I need to make Mondays more productive and less grumpy/guilt-ridden, whether it's waking up early enough to work out or just getting back into my Meatless Monday habit (yeah, that stopped a while back - did I mention?). Maybe doing both? I dunno, but something's gotta give.

And, speaking of being productive, I need to get my butt back on my Countdown to ONEderland Challenge. Wondering if I ought not have a specific "Goal Date", and just update every week until I hit that magical 1XX number. Might be more of an incentive to keep posting about it.

Things to think about.

Anyhow, Saturday morning I woke up early enough that I decided to head out to the southside of San Jose and go visit my old WW leader at her 10:30 a.m. meeting. Wow, I've missed her A LOT. A LOT A LOT. Like so much a lot that I decided it's worth waking up that early every Saturday just to attend her meetings because my Monday night leader SUCKS. Well, she sucks in comparison. Only thing is it's a HUGE meeting. Seriously, I've never attended a meeting that had 50+ people in attendance. Yes, it's the New Year, but they meet in a ridiculously large room that leads me to believe - even without the New Year Resolutionists - that meetings stay large year round. Dunno how I feel about being just one of so many, but I think it'll be worth it.

And since we're talking about WW, and I've gotten out of the habit, here's this week's Weigh-In Stats:

Week of 1/3/11 - 1/9/11 Stats

Weigh-in Day: Saturday, January 8, 2011

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 225.8
Current Weight: 222.4
Difference: -3.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -69.2 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 23.7%

And coming up in the next day or so: Countdown to ONEderland Challenge Update and my long-awaited I'm gonna get myself running post.

Hope your Monday is going well.

Last week, I laid out my plan for reaching that mystical place called ONEderland. You know? Where your weight begins with a one?!? Yeah, the holidays probably aren’t the most spectacular time to challenge yourself to lose weight, but I know if I can do it now, I can do it any time.

Here’s what I wrote last week:

This is the first time in god knows how many years that seeing the other side of two hundred pounds was a distinct possibility. With that in mind, I've decided to set a goal/challenge for myself to see me through to that legendary place called ONEderland. Understand, very rarely do I set date specific goals. I find, in most cases, they just set you up for failure. In this case, though, setting a 25 lb goal seems reasonable and - most importantly - attainable.

My goal/challenge to myself is: By March 7th, I'd like to be somewhere near (within five lbs) or in ONEderland. I've broken this challenge up into five pieces:

GOAL 1: Seventy Pounds Gone (221.6 lbs)
GOAL 2: Get Under a BMI of 35.0 (216 lbs)
GOAL 3: Eighty Pounds Gone (211.6 lbs)
GOAL 4: Ninety Pounds Gone (201.6 lbs)
GOAL 5: ONEderland (199 lbs)

Simple enough, right? Well, I'm retroactively starting my challenge from Monday of this week, running 12 weeks from December 13, 2010 - March 7, 2011 for an average of slightly more than 2 lbs a week. I know this is something I can achieve and I'm looking forward to the days when my weight doesn't start with a two.

And I’m off to a running start. Can’t tell you how thrilled I am to report my progress for Week One. All I can say is that it was awesome, and cue the happy, booty dance music:

Challenge Starting Weight: 226.4 lbs
Week One Weigh-in Weight: 222.4 lbs
Challenge Weight Lost: - 4.0 lbs

Wow, I kind of killed it this week! Granted, some of that was catching up from my fluke gain last week. But still! I’m slightly less than one pound away from GOAL 1! And just a little bit more than six pounds away from GOAL 2!

With some epic level pub night drinking on Friday night, and a bit more Saturday night (not quite epic, but close), I’m stoked. Seriously stoked.

And, yeah, did I mention I killed it?

Seriously though, sharing my meal trackers helped, and kept me from reaching into that candy jar at work more than once. I’m a little upset that I didn’t post trackers for Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Friday’s tracker was actually complete; I was just slightly in shock seeing I drank nearly a day’s worth of Points in one evening. Once I go and reconstruct Saturday and Sunday, I will post and share all three.

Week Two looks to have its share of difficulties, not the least of which being Christmas. There’s also additional cookie baking craziness, Christmas Day dinner (which I’m making – HELP!), and the extended holiday (11 days!) I have from work.

I foresee the upcoming week being far more difficult than Week One with Christmas falling smack dab in the middle. However, I’m confident in my ability to overcome obstacles and succeed. With that in mind, I’ve come up with the following:

Three Strategies/Goals for Success for Week Two:

1. Log any holiday cookies I eat.


2. Keep up with my water consumption every day during the holiday break.


3. Get in at least four days of exercise this week.

In other news, I finished my Christmas Shopping. Just need to send out a few more cards and get together the menu for Christmas Day Dinner. Will share the menu soon.

Have a great one, folks!

In my last post, one of my goals was to track every bite I eat this week. I know I've been bad about this in recent months, grabbing a little bite here and little bite there, then forgetting about it. So, here it is:

Monday, December 13, 2010

Daily PointsPlus Target: 35
Weekly PointsPlus Remaining: 49
Weekly Activity Points Earned: 0
Weekly Activity Points Used: 0

Activity:
Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, Level One, 6 Activity Points Earned

Breakfast:
1/2 Cup Better'N Eggs All Whites - 1 Point
Green Monster Smoothie - 2 Points

Morning Snack:
Fiber One Chewy Bars, Oats & Chocolate - 4 Points

Lunch:
Eating Right Split Pea Soup - 4 Points
Snow Peas, 1/2 Cup - 0 Points
Baby Carrots, 1 Cup - 0 Points
Cheese, 1/2 oz - 2 Points
Ranch Dressing, 1 tsp - 1 Point

Afternoon Snack:
2 Hershey's Miniatures - 2 Points

Late Afternoon Snack:
WW Dark Chocolate Turtle Bar - 2 Points
Handed out at my WW meeting. Wouldn't have touched it otherwise.

Dinner:
Wendy's Spicy Caesar Salad - 12 Points
Wendy's Lemon Caesar Dressing, 1/2 packet - 2 Points
Wendy's Small Chili, No Cheese - 5 Points
Wendy's Fries, 4 Fries - 1 Point
Wendy's Chicken Nugget, 1 Nugget - 1 Point
Soda, 8 oz. - 3 Points
The fries, chicken nugget and soda were all from the DH's meal. Fries eaten in car on way home from picking up food for dinner. The soda was because it was there and the DH didn't finish it. The chicken nugget? Dunno why I ate it.

Daily PointsPlus Eaten: 42 (7 Weekly Points Used)
Weekly PointsPlus Remaining: 42
Weekly Activity Points Earned: 6
Weekly Activity Points Used: 0

Let's look at this: I had an extra seven Points almost without thinking. I wouldn't be upset if those foods had satisfied me in some way, but as I recall they only made me want more junk.

On the plus side, up until lunch I was completely on plan. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for the unplanned foods (WW Dark Chocolate turtle bar, fries, chicken nugget and soda), I wouldn't have gone into my Weekly Points at all. But if I was doing this all week long last week, then I'm not surprised I had a small gain this week.

Fact: About five months ago I stopped drinking my green goo (read: green monster
smoothie).

Fact: About five months ago I stopped going to Weight Watchers.

Fact: About five months ago I stopped exercising regularly.

Conclusion: By no longer guzzling the green goo, I fell off the wagon. HAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, okay! So it's not entirely accurate (and fallacious reasoning I might add), yet - I promise - these things are actually related to one another. However, one did not specifically lead to the other.

Even though they are ridiculously yummy, in my mind I identify the morning smoothie as "Health Food". Yes, it's tasty. Yes, it's filling. But it's also entirely associated with my weight reduction program. I started drinking the smoothies when I started blogging (and going to WW), hence, Health Food.

Further, In the morning, I'm more of a grab and go kinda person. Making a morning smoothie requires me to actually put aside five minutes of my precious time (time I could be in bed, asleep) to pull together the ingredients and blend them. You might be thinking "Five minutes isn't that much time!!", and you're right, but in the mystical world of Zan five more minutes of sleep could be the difference between "grr" grumpy and "hi" happy.

So, continuing to make smoothies every morning is an exercise in willpower which, in turn, adds fuel to the fire of determination, and provides that kick in the pants I need to wake up at five or five thirty a.m. every weekday and workout.

Alright, maybe this isn't so much about green smoothies as it is about exercising some self discipline. And I can proudly say I've been employing it to great effect: waking up at five a.m., getting in a good workout, making breakfast to actually eat AT HOME, making up smoothies, and still giving myself more than enough time to look perfectly polished before heading off to work.

Yep, I'm crowing just a little bit (A LOT!!!). It is amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

In other news, went to Weight Watchers last night (yay, three weeks in a row!). Was up a little (boo!), but I chalk it up to a) not tracking as well as I should, b) Aunt Flo's on her way to visit, and c) added in a pretty intense toning workout several times a week.

Three Goals for Success in the Coming Week:

1. Track everything I eat. Even if I don't want to.


2. Lay off the candy jar at work. There's Ghiradelli Peppermint Bark at home, and that's way tastier than anything in that candy jar.


3. Cook a couple of meals at home.


4. (okay, four, I lied) Get the rest of the Xmas stuff up (not specifically related, but it'll make me feel A LOT better)

And oh, look, self-disciple means I'm actually blogging again. I've missed this. See y'all real soon.

Wow, real soon turned into a month and a half. Spectacular. Welcome to the world of "OMG, I lag so freaking much".

You know, I actually start every week with the intention of writing a blog post, but by week's end have managed to completely forget and/or move on to something else. Did I mention I'm a little scattered lately? Ha!!

Truthfully, I haven't had much to say the past few months because I wasn't actively pursuing weight loss, and other related guilt issues surrounding my lack of motivation. However, in news of the thank-god-I-finally-did-it variety, I'm back at Weight Watchers meetings on a regular basis (and aren't you glad I'll stop WHINING about it now). Granted, it took the introduction of a new food plan to make me drag my butt back to a meeting, but there I went. And surprise, in the months between now and stopping, I managed to get rid of nearly eight pounds! Not too bad for a girl who mostly stopped thinking about it.

Now, the introduction of the Points Plus system took me by surprise. The smack myself upside the head for not paying much attention to the blogging world or going to meetings kind of surprise. Seriously, the first I heard of this MAJOR plan change was a few weeks back because of this notice on my iPhone. It prompted me to delve back into the blogging world in search of news about this new plan I'd never heard anything about, but apparently it was everywhere. Why am I the last one to figure these things out?

Okay, bad Zan, no cookie.

My initial reaction? Denial. BUT I LIKE POINTS!!!! I've liked the Points system since it was introduced in the 90's! I won't give up my Points! Grr! Argh! Roar! *sulk* They can keep their stupid new plan, I'll just keep doing Points. But once I got over my impression of a preteen throwing a temper tantrum, logic prevailed (Damn you logic and your whole sensibility thing!!!). I've followed other plans and been successful. Further, reason dictates WW wouldn't release a plan that didn't work. Might be that whole them being a business and making money. Or something like that.

Week One Verdict? I like it. My reluctance stemmed from a desire to keep on doing the same thing. I knew the old plan, I didn't have to think about it. The new plan, on the other hand, really makes me think about WHAT it is I'm eating, not just how much I'm eating (which, BTW, 0 PointsPlus Fruit, ZOMG!!!). And I'm eating a whole lot more. Go figure. I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about it, but if I have to choose between a 3-4 PointsPlus 100 Calorie Pack or a 0 PointsPlus apple, guess what I'm gonna choose? If you said 100 Calorie Pack, you're WRONG!

With the completion of Week One, 1.2 lbs are gone (for a total of 65.8 lbs). Sweet. I'm quickly approaching that happy 70 lbs gone forever mark. Yeah, I'll do my happy dance alright.

I have no plans of promising another blog post in the near future, although I have another one or ten percolating in my head. So maybe, just maybe, you'll start seeing more (or less as it were) of me soon.

It's National Pick Strawberries Day. Since I live in a City and the chances of me going out into a field are about as likely as me sprouting wings and flying away, I was happy to indulge in the strawberry goodness brought in by a co-worker. I forgot to take a picture of these massive things before sawing into them, but here's about two strawberries worth all chopped up and ready to be eaten. Mmmmm. Yummy.

Now, for something entirely different, I'm going to show you something that I never thought people would see out in public:

My legs! Yes, my legs are so white they cause the halo effect in pictures (just because I live in California doesn't mean I like to tan!). Like I've said before, they haven't seen the light of day in years!! (Maybe that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

Now, I do not have perfect legs. As a matter of fact, I may have mentioned before that my legs have caused me to break down in tears (as a much younger woman). I could rattle off a list a mile long citing what I dislike about my legs. But don't worry, I won't.

Today, I decided to wear a dress. Not just any dress, but a dress I bought one week ago. Believe me, I'm in as much shock as anyone because I'm not big on the whole dress thing. However, with the coming of Summer and my (near) fifty pound weight loss, it was time to confront this irrational fear of showing a little leg in public and wearing dresses in general. That, and shopping has yielded way more dresses that fit rather than pants.

You know what? I look pretty good.

Actually, I'm finding myself wearing dresses a lot more often than I thought. When I'm off to Weight Watchers I'll throw one on, especially since I sized out of my weigh-in pants (you know what I'm talking about - the thinnest, filmiest pair you keep in your closet). And when off to dinner with friends, why not snazz it up? Now at work. Gosh, what's the world coming to?

What amazes me, though, is the amount of positive attention I receive when wearing a dress. This morning, the security guard outside my work parking garage stopped to tell me how beautiful I looked. What an amazing way to start the day!! And my friends keep on telling me just how great I look. The more I hear it, the more I start to believe it.

And on to the weigh-in:

Week of 5/19/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 242.6 lbs
Current Weight: 242.2 lbs
Difference: -0.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -49.4 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 16.9%

I was really hoping to hit that 50 lb mark this week and everything seemed to be going fine until the scale popped on a pound or so in water retention. What?!?! Check the calendar. Oh, it's a week out from Aunt Flo's monthly visit. Joy. Guess it will just have to wait until next week. Gee thanks, body.

Oh, and pics to come from this amazing dress wearing event!

First things first, go over to Jack Sh*t's blog and read his post on the Stages of Dieting. It's ridiculously insightful and really drives home the getting healthy process. He says he doesn't know if it was appropriate to equate it with the stages of grief, but I think it's all too apropos.

Next.

In the grand traditions of Meatless Mondays past and Meatless Mondays to come, I spent a good chunk of time scouring the Weight Watchers App for Vegetarian recipes.

(Rant time, sorry)
Tell me, what part of vegetarian eating includes fish? Because Weight Watchers, in all its glory, includes tuna recipes in the Vegetarian recipe section. What?!? HULK SMASH!! Grr.
(End Rant. Moving on.)

Depending on mood, ingredients on hand, and finding a recipe that doesn't sound disgusting each week is something of a crapshoot.

This week I settled on Lentil and Black Bean Chili. I have to give credit to Shrinking Girl since I likely would have passed this recipe up if she hadn't written about her lentil taco filling last week or the week before. Here it is:

Lentil and Black Bean Chili
POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 14 min
Cooking Time: 22 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup(s) Lentils, dried
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 large Red Onion, uncooked, chopped
1 large Sweet Red Pepper, chopped roughly
2 Tbsp Minced garlic
3 Tbsp Chili powder
2 tsp Dried oregano
1 1/2 tsp Cumin seeds
1/2 tsp Cayenne pepper
1 tsp Kosher salt
29 oz Canned diced tomatoes, undrained
31 oz Canned Black Beans, undrained
1/2 cup Cilantro, raw, chopped roughly

Instructions

1. Place lentils in a large sauce pan and cover with water by several inches; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer until lentils are tender but retain a little bite, about 10 to 15 minutes; drain well and set aside.


2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.


3. Cook onion, pepper and garlic, stirring often, until vegetables are softened, about 10 minutes.


4. In a cup, combine chili powder, oregano, cumin, cayenne and salt; add to skillet and stir well to combine. Cook, stirring often, about 1 minute.


5. Add tomatoes and their juice, and beans to skillet; stir well to combine. Cover skillet and simmer so flavors can blend, about 5 to 10 minutes. Fold in lentils and cilantro; serve.

Yields about 1 cup per serving.

My modifications:

• I'm the only one who eats these vegetarian dishes so I halfed the recipe. I mean, 8 servings is one heck of a lot of chili for one person.


• When I came home from food shopping I realized I only had large sized cans of diced tomatos. I wasn't about to open one up just to use half of it, so I pulled out my canned organic tomato sauce from Trader Joe's and used that instead. I couldn't tell the difference, although I had to deal with the whole tomato sauce popping thing all over my stove and shirt. Grr.

Result: Yummy tasty goodness, and just enough left overs that I won't get sick of it by week's end (unlike last week's Cuban Black Beans and Rice of which I threw half away). It's a little on the spicy side (which I seriously love) so you might want to decrease the cayenne and chili powder.

And finally, just to prove to you how random I am:

Five Things You May Not Know About Me (but may have been able to infer):

1. I'm a little goth girl at heart.


2. I love vintage clothing and want to be a freaking pin-up. But do NOT mistake my love of vintage clothing and the 50's household to mean that I am - by any means - a stay at home kind of gal.


3. I <3 rockabilly. A lot.


4. I'm a city girl at heart. Hustle and bustle are what it's all about, baby.


5. I rarely step out of the house without hair and make-up done.

Okay, that's it for today's installment of Zan is a random, crazy loon. See ya later folks.

Picture from: www.nataliedee.com

Week of 5/12/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 245.0 lbs
Current Weight: 242.6 lbs
Difference: -2.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -49.0 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 16.8%

Yes, you read that right: I am exactly one pound away from having lost fifty pounds! Someone at Weight Watchers last night asked me if I was disappointed that I didn't reach the fifty pound mark, and I was flabbergasted. Disappointed? How could I be disappointed? I lost two and a half pounds this week, three pounds last week (Five and half pounds and nearly two percent in two weeks!!!) and I'm supposed to be disappointed?!? How does that work? This is not a race to lose the weight as quickly as possible, folks.

You know, I found my weight loss journal from the last time I joined Weight Watchers - in two and a half pounds I will cross the threshold to my lowest weight posted since October 2005. It's so exciting. I mean, seriously, my weight will soon be in the 230's; I have a hard time remembering that last time I saw the 230's. And each week I'm getting further and further away from 250. Soon I'll be on the other side of 225 heading to 200. Whew. That's a heady feeling.

Maybe you noticed the new section on my sidebar (over thata way ---->) linking to my Flickr Progress Photo Set. Apparently, as I've been losing weight, I've become something of the camera whore - asking the hubby to take pictures of me, taking pictures of myself - I'm just thrilled to see where I am.

Oh look, it's a side by side progress pic:

My mom keeps calling me brave for sharing my weight in my pictures, but that isn't what it is. It's honesty. Pure and simple honesty. This is where I am in my life: no more lies, no more pretending I'm something I'm not.

I guess the next question is what brought about this weight loss renaissance. Well, I'm back to working out, I'm back to following the good health guidelines, I'm back to writing down every bite I eat. That's what worked for me from October - April, and that's what will work for me until I reach my goal. Habits, habits, habits. Something clicked back on, maybe it was clearance from my doc, maybe I just realized how much I wanted it again. Who knows? But I'm feeling really good.

Onto this morning . . .

Our coffee maker is apparently possessed (or something). The basket has developed this bad habit of popping open while the beans are grinding and spilling all over the counter. Grr. Fortunately, our bedroom (at least, my side of the bedroom) is near the kitchen and I usually wake up for a second when it starts up each morning. This morning it sounded odd, and I hopped out of bed to check on it. Just. In. Time. The water was about to start and would have made a wonderful, goo-ey, ground-y mess. Yay. After cleaning up the aftermath, refilling the coffee maker and standing there giving it the death glare to make sure it didn't pop open again, I realized I was up an hour early. Ah well.

With no chance of getting back to bed after the coffee ground incident, I realized I had an entire hour I don't normally have in the morning. Time to make real breakfast!!!!! I subscribe to the a href="http://www.hungry-girl.com">Hungry Girl newsletter and have seen multiple references to what is called the "Egg Mug"; it's intrigued me for a while and what better time to make it! And anything that can be made in the microwave earns two thumbs up from this girl. After browsing through several pages of recipes I settled on the Egg Mug Lorraine (about 3/4's of the way down the page) - that and I had all the necessary ingredients (Yay!). All I have to say is Wow. Tasty. Must. Repeat.

If you haven't, hie yourself over to Hungry Girl and check it out.

I've mentioned it before, and I'll probably mention it another fifty or so million times, but my office really enjoys a good potluck (or party for that matter) and will find any reason to have one or two every month. Usually it's a birthday, but that doesn't have to be the case.

Let me tell you how notoriously difficult these potlucks are for me and staying on plan. There's always some goodie or treat sitting out there calling my name: "Zan," it calls, "have a cookie, have an enchilada, have some crackers and cheese, have some cake, eat me, eat me, EAT ME!!!!" (Okay, food does not actually talk to me, nor do I have conversations with it, but it feels that way sometimes). Despite my best intentions to just eat a salad or bring my own lunch (and feel like a party-pooper), I usually wind up with a plate piled high with junk.

New Game Plan Time obviously. About three months ago, I realized I don't have to be a party pooper. There's a pretty simple solution to the problem here: bring a healthy dish I can pile high on my plate (and everyone else will eat), then sit back and enjoy. And - can you believe it? - it works. Gone is the mad dash to pile my plate as high as possible with as much food as I can so I don't have to go back and get seconds (and look like food-crazy madwoman?), and gone is the crazy sensation I'm denying myself some amazing food because - get this - everyone else is eating what I'm eating. Insane!

An unexpected benefit of my new game plan is that it seems to be catching. More than one person is scouring their recipe boxes for healthy dishes to bring each month, and I'm thrilled. Further, the food pusher got a new job so no more tempting cupcakes, cakes or cookies with which to contend.

When the office decided on a Mexican "Cinco de Mayo" Fiesta for this month's potluck, I hopped onto my favorite resource - the WW app on my iPhone - to find something healthy and interesting to eat. The recipe that piqued my interest (my comments in italics):

Tropical Mango-Jicama Chicken Salad from WeightWatchers.com
POINTS® Value: 3
Servings: 4
Preparation Time: 20 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

This salad has great crunch thanks to jicama, a root vegetable with crisp, juicy, white flesh, that is widely available at most large supermarkets.

Ingredients
½ cup Red Onion, sliced
¼ cup Lime Juice
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
¾ tsp Kosher Salt
½ tsp Cumin seeds
¼ tsp Hot Sauce (I used Frank's)
2¼ cups Jicama, cubed
½ pound Chicken breast, cooked and cubed (I haven't tried a vegetarian version of this dish, but you could probably substitue seitan or Morningstar Farms chik'n strips)
1 medium Mango, cubed
½ cup Cilantro, fresh, chopped

Instructions
1. In a large bowl, combine onion, lime juice, oil, salt, cumin and hot pepper sauce; let stand 10 minutes, tossing occasionally, until onion starts to wilt.
2. Add jicama, chicken, mango and cilantro; toss to mix and coat. Yields about 1 1/4 cups per serving

Wow, what a winner! This was super tasty and refreshing, and everyone (except one crabby lady who doesn't like trying new things) loved it. The combination of the crispy jicama, slightly sweet mango with chicken really hit the spot. It's a perfect springtime/summer light meal. And I learned how to chop up mango and jicama (because I couldn't find any pre-cut jicama spears! Grr). Bonus! Word of caution, however, looking at this in the fridge I'd say it doesn't make the best of leftovers.

Oh, and here's my weigh-in for the week. That weight I thought I should have lost last week? Went this week, and a little bit more. Go fig.

Week of 5/5/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 248.0 lbs
Current Weight: 245.0 lbs (!!!)
Difference: -3.0 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -46.6 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 15.9%

Yeah, I lost more than a percent this week baby!!! And it pushed me over the 15% mark!!! Holy Cow. I've made it almost a 1/3rd of the way to goal!

Now there's that whole 50 lb loss looming in front of me. I'd love to crank out a 3.4 lb loss this week, but somehow I don't think it's in the cards. That's alright because I'm happy dancing right now.

Ever have one of those moments when you walk by something in the store and all you can think is "ohmigod, I want it. I want it, I want it, I want it!"? Who am I kidding? I'm sure we've all had them. In the past, that was usually something like chocolate. Or sour patch kids. Or pizza. Or ice cream. Or insert some other sugary/fatty/not good for you item here. Too often that was the case.

Today, I had one of those moments, but in such a way that I was glad to give in. Right before lunch (I know, not the best time to go to the store), I skedaddled over to the Safeway in Downtown San Jose to pick up spinach and salad greens for today's lunchtime tuna wrap (which was yum, I'll share the recipe later), and found myself in the fruit and vegetables aisle salivating over a Bosc pear. A pear! No, not over the chocolate dipping sauce for strawberries! I was salivating over a freaking pear!

Who is this person and what have you done with Zan???

No, really, it was a pear!

If there's anything that tells me I'm going in the right direction, that's it. Craving a pear. Heh.

But, seriously, you have to understand - before today - I've never bought a pear for myself. People have bought them for me or brought them to me, but never has this occured. Go figure.

Sadly, I had the last of my Moroccan Couscous salad as an accompaniment to my lunchtime tuna wrap (and Bosc Pear!!!). I can - without a shadow of a doubt - say, four days later, it was just as good as the first day. *happy dance*

In other happy news of how my life has changed fifty pounds later, someone (who I consider pretty athletic) asked me why I walk so fast. What?!?! Me walk fast? You're kidding me, right? But apparently I do. Wow.

And, finally, the Weigh-in. You know, it's funny, I was actually looking forward to my Weight Watchers meeting last night. After a few weeks of shuffling back and forth over the same pound I knew I had lost weight.

Week of 4/28/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 249.2 lbs
Current Weight: 248.0 lbs
Difference: -1.2 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -43.6 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 14.9% (nearly 15%. W00t!!!)

Initially, I was disappointed because I really thought I had lost more, but - you know - I'm just happy getting deeper into the mid-240's. And before you know it, that's be the 230's. Here I go!!!!

www.nataliedee.comThis has been a week dominated by negativity. The hubby's frustrated cause he's working a ton of overtime. I'm frustrated with any number of things including: myself, auditioning, doctors, the world, fast food, and the list could go on and on. We just found out how many people are being laid off at work. I'm angry that I'm still on doctor's orders of nothing more than low intensity workouts. The scale isn't cooperating and although it showed a decent loss at the beginning of the week, it popped back up three pounds two days later. And, dammit, the world isn't cooperating with me. Grrr.

All that negative energy hasn't been doing my state of mind a whole lot of good, so I came to the decision today that I can't let it bother me anymore. Today is the day I start letting it all slide off my back. The scale went up a pound? Scales do that. I'm a woman with womanly parts which means scales make absolutely no sense even when you're following the plan perfectly. Taking the scale and throwing it at the wall will do me no good, and then I'll just have to buy another scale.

In honor of my new positive attitude, I'd like to share my Weigh-in results for the week:

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 250.0 lbs
Current Weight: 249.2 lbs
Difference: -0.8 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -42.4 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 14.5%

So what if I been bouncing around the same two pounds for three weeks? So what if I gained a little last week? I'm still 42 and half pounds lighter than I was when I started back in October. That's huge! That's amazing! I'm going to do my happy dance until I believe it, and then I'm going to do it again.

Frustration happens, but I can't let it rule my life. If I do, every little bump on the road is insurmountable, every bend in the road is blocked, and every door that closes in my face will not open no matter what I do. Instead of looking at the bump as a mountain, I will find a way around or over it. If the road is blocked, I'll find another way to continue on. And if the door is closed, then I'll damn well break a window if that's what I have to do to succeed.

As of yesterday, it was two weeks since I'd stepped foot in a Weight Watchers meeting.

What's this, you say? The girl who refuses to skip a weigh-in even if she knows her weight will be up didn't go to meetings twice in a row??? Say it ain't so!

Sadly, it's true.

I've been trying to decide if I was just making excuses for not going to meetings or if I genuinely couldn't go. Last week, I was sick and reasoned I probably shouldn't go and spread the love (germs) (and loopiness and driving don't exactly go hand in hand). This week, the hubby and I had tickets to Game One of the Stanley Cup Playoffs Wednesday Night (Colorado Avalanche vs. San Jose Sharks). I thought "hey, I'll run up to the meeting early, get weighed in, and head to the game" (which is not what happened).

Then came the negotiations with myself: "Oh, I'll just go next week", "I can go on Saturday", "I can stay on track without meetings", and so on and so forth.

Those thought processes struck a cord with their familiarity and I panicked: is this the start back down that well-worn path to giving up? Was I on a precipice barely hanging on to my self control? How many times had "the end" started with "breaks" from meetings? How often had I stopped tracking and gained and lost the same three pounds over the weeks following one of those "breaks"? Would I let the exercise go and continue to gain and lose those pounds? Would I finally just stop going?

My mind was screaming at me: Go to a meeting! Go to a meeting! Go to a meeting! And I was inclined to follow its advice except for this irrational feeling of cheating on *my* leader by even contemplating attending another meeting.

Fear and distress won out and prompted me to pull up the WW app on my iPhone yesterday to search for a meeting that night. It wasn't at my usual location or the location Luann (my leader) meets, but I had to get past that crazy feeling of betrayal. At 5:45 I found myself travelling to a strange location for a meeting with some unknown leader because I was desperate to get on that scale and face whatever number awaited me. The moment I walked in that almost familiar meeting room, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And getting on the scale wasn't as painful as I feared it might be - yes, there was a slight gain, but less than I feared.

I never fully understood how people could spend months searching for a good group leader until yesterday, and realize how lucky I was to walk into the perfect meeting for me back in October. The feeling in that other room was so strange - the meeting was sort of the same, but all wrong. Not that Michelle, their leader wasn't great, and the group seemed to really like her, but she wasn't Luann.

I'll be really happy to get back to my meetings next week, and back into the groove of going to weekly meetings.

Gonna be short and sweet this afternoon. Been pretty busy, but I'm doing good. A little more indulging then I ought, still I keep on counting!

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 251.2 lbs
Current Weight: 249.4 lbs
Difference: -1.8 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -42.2 lbs!!!!!!!

Below the 250's! Woot! It's been a long time since I've seen a number that low. One less point a day however, but I can deal. I look forward to the challenge.

No progress made on when we're off to see Wicked. Think we might make a day trip of it, get some great pictures, and I'll share them here.

Be back later!!!

All told it was a pretty good week, even if it had its ups and downs. Frankly, I've been feeling a bit emo, and to watch what I write so that I don't include little tidbits like "if anyone even cares" or "yeah, whatever, I don't care". There's the random crying in the morning as I shower for no good reason thing which tends to throw me a bit off. And that whole feeling like the little fat kid picked last in school because no one likes them. Yeah, all brought to you by *that* point in my cycle. Lovely.

I hate that helpless, slave to my emotions feeling. And I'm a really, really, really, really, really, really emotional person. Bet you can guess my eating trigger?? Huh?

I'm starting to get back into the groove of singing again, which, I'll tell you, took several weeks to set back in. Practicing every day is something I had to work back up to, but it takes much the same discipline as working out. Go figure. I have an audition on Saturday, a concert on Sunday, and audition paperwork and phone calls to make over the next five days. Ah, real life, you've come back to bite me in the ass.

Maybe I'll be too busy to feel emo soon, huh?

Anyhow, on to the weigh-in:

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 255.0 lbs
Current Weight: 251.2 lbs
Difference: -3.8 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -40.4 lbs!!!!!!!

Oh, excuse me, I can't hear you over the sound of my awesomeness. What was that? Oh, yeah, I've removed forty freaking pounds. My happy dance, let me show it you.

If that isn't cool enough, it also means that the hubby and I are going to go see Wicked as my forty pound Goal Reward!!!

And as the cherry on top, I get to say good-bye to the Second Twenty Pounds and hello to the Third Twenty Pounds. That's right, I'm now on my way to losing 60 lbs. Wow.

Finally, I challenged myself to get back into the groove of working out, and - wouldn't you know it - I found my mojo! It was there waiting for me all along, I just needed to get back to basics.

Progress on the Getting My Groove Back Challenge:

Getting My Groove Back Challenge:
March 22 - April 18, 2010: 4 weeks, 3 workouts a week, at least 12 workouts

Week 1 (3/22 - 3/28): 3/3 Total: 3 (W00t!!)

• Monday - Jillian Michaels Thirty Day Shred (Holllaaa!!!)


• Tuesday - Day Off


• Wednesday - Petra Kolber's Bootcamp Boogie and Upper Body Workout


• Thursday - Belly Dance Workout and Lower Body Workout

Week 2 (3/29 - 4/04): 0/3 Total: 0
Week 3 (4/05 - 4/11): 0/3 Total: 0
Week 4 (4/12 - 4/18): 0/3 Total: 0

And I finally tackled the stupid 30 Day Shred. Guess what? Jillian still scares the sh*t out of me.

I've been a little unfocused this past week. Apathetic. Frustrated. Angry. Happy. All at varying points over the past seven days. Sure, I'm sure I've seemed pretty happy - heck, I know I was happy when I wrote about buying new clothes. It comes and goes.

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 254.6 lbs
Current Weight: 255.0 lbs
Difference: +0.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -36.6 lbs

That's not something I wanted to see last night, and it's not something I particularly wanted to blog about today. However, I'm aware that we all gain a little weight from time to time. I won't pretend I was perfect this week, because I know I wasn't.

Here are the likely reasons why I gained this week:

• Snacking - I did a whole lot of snacking over the past week, straight out of the bag snacking on salty snacks like chex mix and peanuts.


• Working out - Yeah, not a whole heck of a lot of that.


• Food Tracking and Eating Out - I ate out at a couple of places I don't usually, and as such have no planned meals, then went a little crazy at said places.

These I'll call the "Probable Top Three Reasons Why I Gained" and I could probably think of twenty more, but I'm not gonna. I refuse to beat myself up over this, it was slip, not a fall, and I recognized the behavior before it could get worse. Today I forgive myself for getting lax in my program and am already back on track.

Progress on this week's goal to workout five times:

Tuesday: 40 minutes belly dance, 15 minutes pilates
Wednesday: Day off. (I intended to do the 30 Day Shred, but life got in the way.)
Thursday: Nothing yet, 30 Day Shred planned.

I'll leave this one a little short since I've got a longer post coming later today.

Would it surprise you if I told you my perception of serving sizes is skewed? The funny thing here is that this really isn't what you think. I can pretty carefully eye a portion of chicken or a serving of steak, but when it comes to estimating a helping of vegetables I'm woefully lacking.

So this meal I'm having for lunch today, it's a new one by Healthy Choice; this thing looked like it had maybe a quarter of a cup of vegetables:

Imagine my shock as I perused the back to read it supposedly contained 3/4's of a cup of vegetables.




Seriously?!?! 3/4's? Really?

Guess I like to have more than three bites of vegetables in my lunch.

But, truthfully, 3/4's of a cup?

In the grand scheme of things, it's better to get too many vegetables than not enough, right???

Okay, I fail at veggie serving sizes. Fail, Zan, fail. But I'm still happy about it.

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 256.6 lbs
Current Weight: 254.6 lbs
Difference: -2 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -37.0 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 12.6%

I'm just three pounds from that forty pound mark. Holy crud! Guess I'm gonna get my personal forty pound reward pretty soon (will share that list soon): tickets to see Wicked in San Francisco. And then it's bye, bye to the second twenty pounds, and hello the third thirty pounds!! Woot!

One thing I promised myself going back to Weight Watchers was: no matter how badly I thought I did that week, I would step on the scale. Now, this is what works for me, it may not necessarily be right for you, but past experience has taught me avoiding the scale does not work.

Yes, I'm aware it's not just about what the scale says, however the scale isn't that bad a judge of progress. Whether it's a pound gained, lost, or just staying the same, it doesn't really matter. Yet showing a gain of 3, 5, 10 pounds is a sign something could be wrong and might need to be addressed.

In back of the WW Pocket Guide (that doubles as your weight loss journal), there's a coupon to "skip" a weigh-in. In all honesty, I'm tempted to rip it out or scribble all over it with a sharpie. My mind reads that as a free pass to eat whatever crap I want, not write it down, pretend it never passed my lips, and the week after skipping a weigh-in feign shock at seeing a gain. Yeah. Not going to set myself up for that kind of failure.

Logically, I'm not that attached to weighing-in. The way my clothes fit, the spring in my step, recovering from back pain that much more quickly, these tell me I'm going in the right direction. But, the thing is, I don't trust myself to accurately gauge those things. Until I stepped on the scale last June and saw the scale inching towards three hundred pounds, I didn't think I was doing that badly. I chose to not see how my shirts were getting tighter across my stomach, to not acknowledge my work pants were getting snug in the thigh, to pretend I didn't just have to buy a bigger size in my jeans, and to ignore how much bigger my double chin was getting. And all that time, the scale sat in the bathroom untouched and gathering dust. If at any point over the months between my wedding and last June I stepped on the scale, I would have known something was wrong.

You see, I'm just so angry with myself for ever allowing it to get that bad. I need daily, weekly, and monthly slaps in the face to keep myself from falling back down the road to old habits. Awareness is just one piece of the puzzle. If stepping on the scale is part of that, I'm willing to accept it.

Now, I'm not directing this diatribe at anyone in particular, nor is it a sign of what my week's weigh-in taught me (because I actually did pretty well). And allow me to reiterate, this is what works for me, it may not necessarily work for you.
Moving on.

This week's WW Meeting Topic was "Spicing it Up", tools to keep you from boredom in your diet. How many people eat the same old breakfasts, lunches, and dinners day after day? Aren't you tired of chicken, chicken, and more chicken? If you have one more serving of brown rice are you going to punch someone? Well, I can honestly say much of my success comes from "spicing it up". I'm on a constant search to add new and interesting foods/recipes to my diet and prove that losing weight isn't boring or uninspiring.

One of the things our leader asked us to do last week was bring in empty boxes/bags of foods that we couldn’t do without. I forgot my bag of empty boxes at home (grrr), but did stand up and share a couple of my favorites: Morningstar Farms Buffalo Wings, Archer Farms Organic Fruit Strips and Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese and Sour Cream. Things I love, love, love, and eat every week.

Overall, it was a pretty great meeting topic, and one to which almost everyone felt they could contribute. So, without further adieu:

This Week's Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 258.2 lbs
Current Weight: 256.6 lbs
Difference: -1.6 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -35.0 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 12%

Yes, you read that right. 35 pounds gone baby!!!! Yeah, it might just be time for my signature happy dance.

Ah, success, how I love thee.

Despite my whining and griping about having a crummy week, I apparently didn't do as badly as I thought. The other day I mentioned stepping on the scale and seeing a +.2 gain. Well, Weight Watchers was last night, and I'm proud to say that I'M NOW IN THE 250'S!!!!!!

This Week's Stats

Previous Weight: 260.8 lbs
Current Weight: 259.4 lbs
Weight Lost: -1.4 lbs

Total Weight Lost: -32.2 lbs

Holy Heck! I fully expected to step on the scale last night and see nothing lost or a gain.

Can we say Happy Dance Time!!!!

And in other news of the freaking fan-tab-u-lous: I made it all the way through the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Week One workout!!!!! And it kicked my behind! My thighs are sore, my arms are sore, my butt is sore, and I'm feeling fine. I did jumping jacks! Jumping jacks! Full-on freaking jumping jacks. Ohmigod. Twenty pounds ago, I couldn't even make it through one circuit of that workout. It's difficult now, but I did it!

Cue the happy dance! Again!

Yesterday was one of those days I wasn't expecting to be a good one. Just goes to show you, even at your least motivated, if you stick to the plan, you will get results

My office, and I'm sure I've mentioned this before, is full of food pushers, foodies, and food addicts (yeah, I'm one of the latter). There isn't a month that goes by there's not a potluck for one celebration or another, be it a birthday, Cinco de Mayo, Christmas, Baby's first word, and so on. These potlucks normally bring my structured food world to a crashing halt. One lady always brings egg rolls, another always brings desserts (plural), and the rest of them go to local eateries to pick any number of delectable delights.

This time I had a plan. I kept the food really light in the morning and brought that great salad I had earlier in the week, the Orange-Cilantro Black Bean Salad. It sounded perfect for this month's Mexican Food theme, and I figured "hey, I'll just fill my plate up with that, and then have one other thing". Great plan.

Or not.

Turns out my salad was really popular. Popular to the point that it was 3/4's of the way gone by the time I had my turn in line. Grr. I loaded up on as much of it as I could while leaving a bit for those behind me.

Time for salad #2: iceberg. Mmm. Yummy. NOT. The only redeeming qualities were the artichoke hearts and avocado.

Discovery of the day, however, was the Fiesta Chicken Tortilla Soup from Safeway. Only 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, and 3 grams of fiber per cup. That's 2 POINTS!!!!!! Didn't take a look at the sodium, but I'm sure it's not good. Whatever.

Then there was the cake. Ah, cake, how I've missed you! What's that you say? You're an ice cream cake with chocolate cake made up to look like a giant oreo cookie? Must . . . . resist . . . . Or have just a tiny slice. And I left half of it on my plate despite part of me begging to eat the rest.

Total Damage: 11 POINTS. Okay. That's not bad in the grand scheme of things. YAY!!!

Last night was the weekly Weight Watchers Meeting. Topic: Making yourself a priority. Not something I have that much of an issue with, I'm great at making time for me (I just wasn't great at making it HEALTHY time for me).

And I have great news to report:

This Week's Stats

Previous Weight: 264.2 lbs
Current Weight: 260.8 lbs
Weight Lost: -3.4 lbs

And that means!!!!

Total Weight Lost: -30.8 lbs

I HIT MY TEN PERCENT GOAL (29 lbs)!!!!!

and

I LOST 30 LBS!!!!! Not only did I lose thirty pound I smashed right past it. Scuse while I do my happy dance.

And you know what else???? I finally got the frickin' charm keychain!!!!! And here it is with the charms I've already earned but had no place to put 'em:

Okay, have a good one folks. I'm gonna go continue my happy dance.