Singing for a smaller me

It's National Pick Strawberries Day. Since I live in a City and the chances of me going out into a field are about as likely as me sprouting wings and flying away, I was happy to indulge in the strawberry goodness brought in by a co-worker. I forgot to take a picture of these massive things before sawing into them, but here's about two strawberries worth all chopped up and ready to be eaten. Mmmmm. Yummy.

Now, for something entirely different, I'm going to show you something that I never thought people would see out in public:

My legs! Yes, my legs are so white they cause the halo effect in pictures (just because I live in California doesn't mean I like to tan!). Like I've said before, they haven't seen the light of day in years!! (Maybe that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

Now, I do not have perfect legs. As a matter of fact, I may have mentioned before that my legs have caused me to break down in tears (as a much younger woman). I could rattle off a list a mile long citing what I dislike about my legs. But don't worry, I won't.

Today, I decided to wear a dress. Not just any dress, but a dress I bought one week ago. Believe me, I'm in as much shock as anyone because I'm not big on the whole dress thing. However, with the coming of Summer and my (near) fifty pound weight loss, it was time to confront this irrational fear of showing a little leg in public and wearing dresses in general. That, and shopping has yielded way more dresses that fit rather than pants.

You know what? I look pretty good.

Actually, I'm finding myself wearing dresses a lot more often than I thought. When I'm off to Weight Watchers I'll throw one on, especially since I sized out of my weigh-in pants (you know what I'm talking about - the thinnest, filmiest pair you keep in your closet). And when off to dinner with friends, why not snazz it up? Now at work. Gosh, what's the world coming to?

What amazes me, though, is the amount of positive attention I receive when wearing a dress. This morning, the security guard outside my work parking garage stopped to tell me how beautiful I looked. What an amazing way to start the day!! And my friends keep on telling me just how great I look. The more I hear it, the more I start to believe it.

And on to the weigh-in:

Week of 5/19/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 242.6 lbs
Current Weight: 242.2 lbs
Difference: -0.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -49.4 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 16.9%

I was really hoping to hit that 50 lb mark this week and everything seemed to be going fine until the scale popped on a pound or so in water retention. What?!?! Check the calendar. Oh, it's a week out from Aunt Flo's monthly visit. Joy. Guess it will just have to wait until next week. Gee thanks, body.

Oh, and pics to come from this amazing dress wearing event!

Getting rid of this weight, for me, boils down to this one statement: I am a responsible adult and my food choices must reflect that.

There are so many things we do as grown-ups that no one really *wants* to do. For instance: Who wants to work forty hours a week? Pay bills? Go to bed at 10 p.m. for that forty hour a week job? No one.

I think the poor eating and exercise habits I enjoy today, in large part, result from the gaining of my independence from parental control and becoming an adult. Think about it: as children our parents make the majority of decisions regarding what we eat and what we do. Pizza and ice cream and cookies are treats, not daily occurrences. And my mom shoved me out the door every day to go run off all that excess childhood energy. As a teenager, I had to walk everywhere because mom had no intention of giving me a ride. There was no choice in the matter and, as such, I stayed at a fairly normal weight.

Imagine what happened when I moved out of my parents house to my apartment in college? My inner child, who regularly threw tantrums over not getting her way, got everything she wanted. All those forbidden foods (fried whatevers, pizza, chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and more) became the staple of my existence. When I went to the grocery store, I didn't want to buy broccoli. Nor did I want to waste my precious time going to the gym, even if it was a five minute walk.

Those pounds really snuck up on me. Yeah, sure, whatever.

Those "Freshman 15" are supposed to be a warning sign that you need to wake the h*ll up, get back to the gym, and pay attention to what food goes in your refrigerator. Guess who didn't heed that warning? Yep. That would be me. Heck, I don't think I stepped on scale more than three or four times college freshman and sophomore years. And, in my case, it was more likely the Freshman 25 or 30.

So many years of my life were spent giving in to that inner child and feeding the insatiable beast within. I readily accepted so many of the trappings of adulthood, but my weight and bad habits haunted me for well over a decade. It had to stop somewhere.

You never know how grateful I am that whatever it was clicked in my head last year. Realizing that food choices were part of being an adult freed me to accept that I can lose weight, make it stick, and that it's not some ridiculous thing only *I* have to do for the rest of my life - most people watch what they eat, they're just a lot better at it than me.

What does this mean for me? I've done a lot of thinking about this and part of me says this shouldn't be an epiphany, but the fact remains that this was a revelation. Making good food choices equates with maturity? Say it ain't so! I think it bodes well for the future, but we'll have to see cause I don't like counting my chickens before they're hatched.

And, for your viewing pleasure, another picture of me:

Yay!

First things first, go over to Jack Sh*t's blog and read his post on the Stages of Dieting. It's ridiculously insightful and really drives home the getting healthy process. He says he doesn't know if it was appropriate to equate it with the stages of grief, but I think it's all too apropos.

Next.

In the grand traditions of Meatless Mondays past and Meatless Mondays to come, I spent a good chunk of time scouring the Weight Watchers App for Vegetarian recipes.

(Rant time, sorry)
Tell me, what part of vegetarian eating includes fish? Because Weight Watchers, in all its glory, includes tuna recipes in the Vegetarian recipe section. What?!? HULK SMASH!! Grr.
(End Rant. Moving on.)

Depending on mood, ingredients on hand, and finding a recipe that doesn't sound disgusting each week is something of a crapshoot.

This week I settled on Lentil and Black Bean Chili. I have to give credit to Shrinking Girl since I likely would have passed this recipe up if she hadn't written about her lentil taco filling last week or the week before. Here it is:

Lentil and Black Bean Chili
POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 14 min
Cooking Time: 22 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup(s) Lentils, dried
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 large Red Onion, uncooked, chopped
1 large Sweet Red Pepper, chopped roughly
2 Tbsp Minced garlic
3 Tbsp Chili powder
2 tsp Dried oregano
1 1/2 tsp Cumin seeds
1/2 tsp Cayenne pepper
1 tsp Kosher salt
29 oz Canned diced tomatoes, undrained
31 oz Canned Black Beans, undrained
1/2 cup Cilantro, raw, chopped roughly

Instructions

1. Place lentils in a large sauce pan and cover with water by several inches; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer until lentils are tender but retain a little bite, about 10 to 15 minutes; drain well and set aside.


2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.


3. Cook onion, pepper and garlic, stirring often, until vegetables are softened, about 10 minutes.


4. In a cup, combine chili powder, oregano, cumin, cayenne and salt; add to skillet and stir well to combine. Cook, stirring often, about 1 minute.


5. Add tomatoes and their juice, and beans to skillet; stir well to combine. Cover skillet and simmer so flavors can blend, about 5 to 10 minutes. Fold in lentils and cilantro; serve.

Yields about 1 cup per serving.

My modifications:

• I'm the only one who eats these vegetarian dishes so I halfed the recipe. I mean, 8 servings is one heck of a lot of chili for one person.


• When I came home from food shopping I realized I only had large sized cans of diced tomatos. I wasn't about to open one up just to use half of it, so I pulled out my canned organic tomato sauce from Trader Joe's and used that instead. I couldn't tell the difference, although I had to deal with the whole tomato sauce popping thing all over my stove and shirt. Grr.

Result: Yummy tasty goodness, and just enough left overs that I won't get sick of it by week's end (unlike last week's Cuban Black Beans and Rice of which I threw half away). It's a little on the spicy side (which I seriously love) so you might want to decrease the cayenne and chili powder.

And finally, just to prove to you how random I am:

Five Things You May Not Know About Me (but may have been able to infer):

1. I'm a little goth girl at heart.


2. I love vintage clothing and want to be a freaking pin-up. But do NOT mistake my love of vintage clothing and the 50's household to mean that I am - by any means - a stay at home kind of gal.


3. I <3 rockabilly. A lot.


4. I'm a city girl at heart. Hustle and bustle are what it's all about, baby.


5. I rarely step out of the house without hair and make-up done.

Okay, that's it for today's installment of Zan is a random, crazy loon. See ya later folks.

Picture from: www.nataliedee.com

Body image is something I've struggled with. A lot. This "body negative" view I have has been multiple decades in the making. I've hated my body for too long and spent too many hours picking it apart piece by piece, striving to figure out what it would take for me to have the "perfect" body.

I distinctly remember the first time I realized that I hated my legs. There's this picture of me hidden somewhere among my mom's many photo albums at maybe 8 - 10 years old. It was the late 80's or early 90's and those god awful skinny/fitted jeans were still in style (yes, I developped my hatred of skinny jeans at a very young age), and I was wearing stone-washed light blue jeans with a light pink sweater-y type top. Truth be told, I was pretty skinny, but all I could see of myself in said godawful jeans was the unflattering v shape my legs made from hip to knees to super skinny ankle. It was pretty terrifying to my younger self and took every ounce of my willpower to not rip the picture to shreds.

When I was a little older (sixth or seventh grade at the latest), I overheard a few of those super-skinny, waif type girls discussing what made the perfect legs (oh joy, perfect topic for someone who hates their legs). One said "I read in a magazine that you need to be able to fit a quarter (wide side out) between them [your legs] in order to be perfect" (and oh look, they could do it!). After they left, I thought about my thick thighs, locked myself in the bathroom, and proceeded to cry myself sick.

Is it any wonder women develop complexes about their bodies? And we are so susceptible to negative body image connotations in a society that encourages us to admire the Twiggy ideal. Little did I know those waif-like girls looked at bodies like mine and wished for my kind of curves.

God, I wasted so many years hating myself because I didn't conform to some ridiculous ideal. It would have been nice to know at eight years old that my body type wasn't odd or abnormal, that I wasn't alone in having curves, that having thick thighs wasn't something to be ashamed of, and that every other woman in the world disliked some part of themselves too.

Several years back, I finally gave up on having the "perfect" body. There is no perfect body and I'm glad that managed to realize it (even if I'll never be a big fan of my legs). Am I saying that I don't have body issues anymore? Hell no. Every day is a struggle to beat back the little voices that tell me there's no point in losing weight because I'll never be "perfect", but every day I succeed in loving myself a little bit more.

Week of 5/12/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 245.0 lbs
Current Weight: 242.6 lbs
Difference: -2.4 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -49.0 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 16.8%

Yes, you read that right: I am exactly one pound away from having lost fifty pounds! Someone at Weight Watchers last night asked me if I was disappointed that I didn't reach the fifty pound mark, and I was flabbergasted. Disappointed? How could I be disappointed? I lost two and a half pounds this week, three pounds last week (Five and half pounds and nearly two percent in two weeks!!!) and I'm supposed to be disappointed?!? How does that work? This is not a race to lose the weight as quickly as possible, folks.

You know, I found my weight loss journal from the last time I joined Weight Watchers - in two and a half pounds I will cross the threshold to my lowest weight posted since October 2005. It's so exciting. I mean, seriously, my weight will soon be in the 230's; I have a hard time remembering that last time I saw the 230's. And each week I'm getting further and further away from 250. Soon I'll be on the other side of 225 heading to 200. Whew. That's a heady feeling.

Maybe you noticed the new section on my sidebar (over thata way ---->) linking to my Flickr Progress Photo Set. Apparently, as I've been losing weight, I've become something of the camera whore - asking the hubby to take pictures of me, taking pictures of myself - I'm just thrilled to see where I am.

Oh look, it's a side by side progress pic:

My mom keeps calling me brave for sharing my weight in my pictures, but that isn't what it is. It's honesty. Pure and simple honesty. This is where I am in my life: no more lies, no more pretending I'm something I'm not.

I guess the next question is what brought about this weight loss renaissance. Well, I'm back to working out, I'm back to following the good health guidelines, I'm back to writing down every bite I eat. That's what worked for me from October - April, and that's what will work for me until I reach my goal. Habits, habits, habits. Something clicked back on, maybe it was clearance from my doc, maybe I just realized how much I wanted it again. Who knows? But I'm feeling really good.

Onto this morning . . .

Our coffee maker is apparently possessed (or something). The basket has developed this bad habit of popping open while the beans are grinding and spilling all over the counter. Grr. Fortunately, our bedroom (at least, my side of the bedroom) is near the kitchen and I usually wake up for a second when it starts up each morning. This morning it sounded odd, and I hopped out of bed to check on it. Just. In. Time. The water was about to start and would have made a wonderful, goo-ey, ground-y mess. Yay. After cleaning up the aftermath, refilling the coffee maker and standing there giving it the death glare to make sure it didn't pop open again, I realized I was up an hour early. Ah well.

With no chance of getting back to bed after the coffee ground incident, I realized I had an entire hour I don't normally have in the morning. Time to make real breakfast!!!!! I subscribe to the a href="http://www.hungry-girl.com">Hungry Girl newsletter and have seen multiple references to what is called the "Egg Mug"; it's intrigued me for a while and what better time to make it! And anything that can be made in the microwave earns two thumbs up from this girl. After browsing through several pages of recipes I settled on the Egg Mug Lorraine (about 3/4's of the way down the page) - that and I had all the necessary ingredients (Yay!). All I have to say is Wow. Tasty. Must. Repeat.

If you haven't, hie yourself over to Hungry Girl and check it out.

If there's one thing I can say about myself, it's this: I love trying new foods. (Hell, I love food. Would I be writing this if I didn't??) I've made a point of never saying no to something unless it's truly foul. Some things are good, some are great, and some are just bad. Really, really, really bad. And some things I just have to share because they're too good not to share.

Here we go with a list of the bad, the good, and the OMG I just had to share this with you:

• Greek Yogurt
  
  I was enthusiastic about jumping on the Greek Yogurt bandwagon. What's not to love? It's got protein, it's low-fat (non-fat), and just about every store is carrying some variety or another. After hearing its praises sung here, there, and everywhere I picked up a package of plain Greek Yogurt at Trader Joe's a few months back and dug in. Yuck. Eeeeewww. Icky. It was gross. I threw it away three bites in.
  
  Understand, it took me a long time to acquire a taste for plain ol' normal yogurt. It wasn't a gross taste or anything, I just didn't like it. My tastes have changed over time, however, and heck - I even get hankerings for it time and again.
  
  Still, there's something about greek yogurt that just makes me want to gag. Even so, I tried to keep an open mind: maybe something other than plain greek yogurt would do the trick. So I bought greek yogurt with strawberries. Nope. Texture - yuck. Taste - eeew. Garbage can - you betcha. I'll keep trying it though. One of these days I might actually develop a taste for it.
  


• Whole Wheat Pasta
  
  For some time, I've been eager to start cooking with whole wheat pasta, but a little apprehensive over the hubby's reaction. While we were shopping at Costco a week or so back, I finally sprung at the opportunity to buy an 8-lb bulk package of Garofalo Organic Whole Wheat Spaghetti (all the while reassuring the DH if he didn't like it I'd make him the regular stuff).
  
  It sat in the cupboard for a week, a victim of my concern and the fact that I rarely cook pasta. Yesterday morning, though, I heard its siren call. Pasta it was, but in my world pasta is never the only part of the dish. Mentally cataloguing what we had on hand, I sent the hubby off to the store after work to pick up shrimp and shallots.
  
  Verdict: a resounding success. The hubby couldn't tell the difference except for graininess and that didn't bug him. W00t!!
  
  Here's last night's recipe if you're interested:
  
  Lemon Garlic Shrimp over Whole Wheat Pasta with Zucchini
  
  POINTS® Value: 7
  Servings: 4
  Preparation Time: 15 min
  Cooking Time: 20 min
  Level of Difficulty: Easy
  
  Ingredients
  1/2 package Whole Wheat Spaghetti (approx 4 1/2 servings)
  1 lb shrimp, cleaned and de-veined
  2-3 sprays Cooking Spray (Misto! Woot!)
  2 medium zucchini, chopped
  1/4 cup shallots, finely chopped
  2 cloves garlic, chopped
  1/8 cup parsley
  2 tbsp oregano
  1/4 tsp salt
  1/8 tsp black pepper
  cayenne pepper to taste
  dash of ginger
  1/4 cup lemon juice
  1/2 cup vegetable broth
  1 tbsp butter
  
  
  
  
  1. Prepare pasta according to package. Meanwhile, spray a non-stick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium-high heat.
  
  
  2. Add shrimp and cook until just pink (or buy them cooked like I did!!).
  
  
  3. Add zucchini and cook for three minutes, then add shallots and garlic. Cook until fragrant, approximately one minute.
  
  
  4. Dump in you spices (parsely, oregano, salt, pepper, cayenne, ginger) and saute for half a minute at the most.
  
  
  5. Pour in lemon juice and vegetable broth and add tbsp of butter. Turn to low heat and let simmer for five to ten minutes.
  
  
  6. Drain pasta, place back in pot and toss with Shrimp mixture.
  
  
  
  Makes 4 two-cup servings.
  


• Fabulous Find: Trader Joe's Spicy Ranchero Egg White Salad
  
  In my quest to cram as much food as I can down my gullet while consuming the fewest possible POINTS, I came across this tasty treat at Trader Joe's:
  
  
  
  At just 50 calories and 2 grams of fat per serving (for a total of 100 calories and 4 grams of fat per container!), this really packs a punch. Not only does it satisfy that whole egg salad craving, it also satisfies that whole spicy food craving. Sadly, there is no picture of the contents because I ate it all!!!
  
  Opening the container up at lunch today, my original intent was to eat half the salad and leave the rest for lunch tomorrow. This was not the case. I was so pleasantly surprised that I whipped up another wrap on the spot. For a great and filling lunch, take one La Tortilla Factory Large High Fiber Tortilla, a cup and a half of uncooked baby spinach, half a container of this bad boy, and wrap it up. Heaven, I'm in heaven . . .

Fair warning, I'm about to go off on a ranting tangent, but before I go off on my tangent, allow me to apologize. I'm in a bad mood - something that happened this weekend set me off and stupid things are upsetting me, so I'm just trying to get it all down before I explode.

One thing I pride myself on is being as honest and open with people as possible, to the extent I often find myself with foot firmly entrenched in mouth, but the simple fact is: I hate pretending. For cases of social acceptability, however, I accept there are times pretending is a necessity, hence I keep my freaking mouth shut and swallow what I *want* to say.

We (the hubby and I) have a friend, let's call her A, who is a very large woman. Very large. When I met A, A was part of a family of large people, and she had many larger friends. As the years passed by, her large family realized that they were too large and did something about it, and many of those larger friends moved on. Now, A is still there clinging to delusions of Fat Acceptance and "not having a problem" (except when she does).

Now, the A problem might be mitigated if she were, in fact, *my* friend and I could say something to her without offending her, but she's not; she's actually my husband's friend. They've been friends since high school so I try not to stick my two cents in (even if she tried her damndest to make sure we didn't get together when we first met).

Since Dave and I got married, we don't spend much time with A. Our groups of friends don't overlap anymore and she's "uncomfortable" with my going to Weight Watchers. She thinks I need to accept my body and not try to change it. When the rare "opportunity" to hang out comes up, I usually wave at the hubby, tell him to have fun and go shopping. In the event that A wants me there too, we have an unspoken agreement: I keep my mouth shut and pretend to enjoy myself.

A just turned thirty and invited us (me and the hubby) to her birthday party. Ah yes, the omnipresent birthday party wherein I know almost know one and have no interest in the activities planned. Joy. The upshot was that it was at her parents home, and we're good friends with her parents so I ignored the little digs and complaints about this and that, and even managed to summon up a little bit of excitement for board games (woohoo).

It turned out to be a beautiful evening and the party wasn't nearly as bad as I'd worried until I overheard A making fun of me to her friends. Talk about a slap in the face. Seriously, do you have to make yourself feel better by making fun of other people? I spent the rest of the evening fuming and silently reminding myself that it was her birthday, I shouldn't go and take her down a couple of notches in front of her friends.

Rant ends here.

So I barely made it through the evening, but I got to thinking. How unhappy must A be with her life? She's surrounded by thin people and people who are getting thinner. I was an easy target for her malice. A has decided that she's "happy" with who and what she is and lashed out at me. Fine. Fine. It's up to her to realize she has a problem. For now, I've decided I'm going to stop pretending around A because I'm happy with the choices I've made and the life I'm leading. This is one of those cases that "socially acceptable" doesn't apply anymore, so she can deal.

I also have to add how proud I am of my response to her hurtful behavior. Yes, my gut instinct was to hurt her back and eat the bitterness away, but I didn't. I stuck with my plan and I can look forward to seeing a loss at the scale when I weigh in tomorrow.

I've mentioned it before, and I'll probably mention it another fifty or so million times, but my office really enjoys a good potluck (or party for that matter) and will find any reason to have one or two every month. Usually it's a birthday, but that doesn't have to be the case.

Let me tell you how notoriously difficult these potlucks are for me and staying on plan. There's always some goodie or treat sitting out there calling my name: "Zan," it calls, "have a cookie, have an enchilada, have some crackers and cheese, have some cake, eat me, eat me, EAT ME!!!!" (Okay, food does not actually talk to me, nor do I have conversations with it, but it feels that way sometimes). Despite my best intentions to just eat a salad or bring my own lunch (and feel like a party-pooper), I usually wind up with a plate piled high with junk.

New Game Plan Time obviously. About three months ago, I realized I don't have to be a party pooper. There's a pretty simple solution to the problem here: bring a healthy dish I can pile high on my plate (and everyone else will eat), then sit back and enjoy. And - can you believe it? - it works. Gone is the mad dash to pile my plate as high as possible with as much food as I can so I don't have to go back and get seconds (and look like food-crazy madwoman?), and gone is the crazy sensation I'm denying myself some amazing food because - get this - everyone else is eating what I'm eating. Insane!

An unexpected benefit of my new game plan is that it seems to be catching. More than one person is scouring their recipe boxes for healthy dishes to bring each month, and I'm thrilled. Further, the food pusher got a new job so no more tempting cupcakes, cakes or cookies with which to contend.

When the office decided on a Mexican "Cinco de Mayo" Fiesta for this month's potluck, I hopped onto my favorite resource - the WW app on my iPhone - to find something healthy and interesting to eat. The recipe that piqued my interest (my comments in italics):

Tropical Mango-Jicama Chicken Salad from WeightWatchers.com
POINTS® Value: 3
Servings: 4
Preparation Time: 20 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

This salad has great crunch thanks to jicama, a root vegetable with crisp, juicy, white flesh, that is widely available at most large supermarkets.

Ingredients
½ cup Red Onion, sliced
¼ cup Lime Juice
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
¾ tsp Kosher Salt
½ tsp Cumin seeds
¼ tsp Hot Sauce (I used Frank's)
2¼ cups Jicama, cubed
½ pound Chicken breast, cooked and cubed (I haven't tried a vegetarian version of this dish, but you could probably substitue seitan or Morningstar Farms chik'n strips)
1 medium Mango, cubed
½ cup Cilantro, fresh, chopped

Instructions
1. In a large bowl, combine onion, lime juice, oil, salt, cumin and hot pepper sauce; let stand 10 minutes, tossing occasionally, until onion starts to wilt.
2. Add jicama, chicken, mango and cilantro; toss to mix and coat. Yields about 1 1/4 cups per serving

Wow, what a winner! This was super tasty and refreshing, and everyone (except one crabby lady who doesn't like trying new things) loved it. The combination of the crispy jicama, slightly sweet mango with chicken really hit the spot. It's a perfect springtime/summer light meal. And I learned how to chop up mango and jicama (because I couldn't find any pre-cut jicama spears! Grr). Bonus! Word of caution, however, looking at this in the fridge I'd say it doesn't make the best of leftovers.

Oh, and here's my weigh-in for the week. That weight I thought I should have lost last week? Went this week, and a little bit more. Go fig.

Week of 5/5/10 Stats

Starting Weight: 291.6

Previous Weight: 248.0 lbs
Current Weight: 245.0 lbs (!!!)
Difference: -3.0 lbs

Total Weight Removed: -46.6 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 15.9%

Yeah, I lost more than a percent this week baby!!! And it pushed me over the 15% mark!!! Holy Cow. I've made it almost a 1/3rd of the way to goal!

Now there's that whole 50 lb loss looming in front of me. I'd love to crank out a 3.4 lb loss this week, but somehow I don't think it's in the cards. That's alright because I'm happy dancing right now.

Back in March I challenged myself to "get my groove back" to get back into the workout rhythm, and guess what I didn't do? Surprise!!! I didn't get back into working out nor is my "groove back". Instead I got this gem thrown my way at the beginning of April: a f**king arrhythmia (#$%*!) and doctor's orders to lay off the exercise.

I have to admit I was pretty upset at the whole thing. Upset at myself using it as an excuse to stop working out entirely because doctor's orders to lay off high and moderate intensity workouts meant stopping entirely, right? Upset that my doctor went out of town on vacation before getting back to me with the results of my tests (so I went three weeks without any information!!). And upset because I actually wanted to work out. Grr. Argh.

And the resulting "I'm sick" mindset left me yo-yoing back and forth with the same three pounds all flipping month. This is my not happy face.

Over the weekend, I slapped that "I'm sick" mindset out of existence, took control, and started back on some low to moderate-low cardio and instituted a regular weight lifting program. Woo!

Yesterday, still feeling spectacularly maid of fail, despite having worked out Saturday and Monday night, I finally sent a frustrated e-mail off to the doc. According to the Kaiser e-mail system (which I kind of hate with the fire of Hades) he was back from vacation which meant I might hear back within twenty-four hours.

Surprise of surprise, I heard back from my doctor this morning (slightly more than 16 hours later - OMG!!!). The results are better news than expected: no signs of an arrhythmia (what?!?!) and clearance to get back into my regular workout schedule. Holy carp! You've got to be freaking kidding me! If there's any time that calls for a happy dance this is it. Watch out world! I'm back!

I was pretty scared when I heard the word "arrhythmia" the first time. I cried. I cried in the doctor's office. I cried when the lab techs drew blood. I cried before and after the treadmill test. I cried when they put that stupid heart monitor on me for twenty four hours. And I cried every freaking day for nearly two weeks. It made me realize just how long I had taken my health for granted. Being overweight, smoking (I smoked for years), massive amounts of caffeine (like kill a large bovine creature large amounts), drinking to excess, stress - lots and lots of stress - all these things have taken a toll on my body. They've weakened me, and I pretended to be fine all that time!

No more. I'm learning to respect my body, to feed it food to fuel it, not food to satiate the child within. I'm learning to strengthen my body. I'm learning that I only have one body and if I don't change my habits now, I won't have it for much longer.

Face it folks, food is not that important. Your life is. Your family, your friends, the blue sky, the wind in your hair. All of these things are blessings. Don't give it up to satisfy your passing desire to eat a piece of chocolate cake. Revel in your life - all of it. Appreciate what is around you because it is too easy to lose it all.

My groove is back. It really is, because I know what will happen if I lose it again.

Image from: www.nataliedee.com

First, I want to send a shout out to Rita at The Giggly Bits since it's her birthday. Happy Birthday!!!!

(Now, forgive me as I turn into an infomercial, because - ohmigod - everyone needs one of these things!)




I don't know about you, but I kind of hate buying cooking sprays. They're overpriced, why not use what you have at home, and - hello! - aerosols!! Enter Misto (and chances are everyone and their mom knows about this but me, but I don't care!!!), the reuseable, refillable, oil sprayer.

While moving our friend this weekend, I spied one of her roommates using this ingenious device. While technically there to move our friend, I found a few minutes to ask about it, what it was, and what it did. Get this: Put 1/3 cup of olive oil (or whatever other oil) in the bottle, close it, pump it up, and voila: instant cooking spray. It lasts forever and it's reusable (w00t!).

*insert teen-aged squeeing here* Ooo, unncecessary kitchen device that might even be helpful!! I knew I had to get this. And that's all I could think about the entire time we were moving: getting to Bed, Bath & Beyond and buying one or five of these magical devices.

Cut to dinner and we're not a block from Bed, Bath & Beyond. Yeah, guess where I was going? And what I was getting? Heh heh heh. And I told the hubby too. Something unintelligible like, "OMG, I need this thing because it's superly awesomely awesome and it will change my life and, and, and . . ." Maybe not quite that bad, but you get the point. Glad he's a device person as well, cause after seeing it he went squee too (Yay!).

(BTW it's $10 at Bed, Bath & Beyond - totally worth the cost!)

Of course, I didn't get the chance to use it all weekend long, and all I wanted to do was cook something so I could use my new amazingly magical spraying device of awesomeness. But we ate out all weekend long except for that rushed Sunday night meal which wasn't cooked. Grr.

Finally, last night (after making more of last week's super fabulous Couscous Salad) I knew it was time. Time for Misto to be put to good use. What better than spraying down the pan to make a super tasty veggie wrap?? Two quick sprays and the pan was covered, and I'd used far less than the tablespoon it normally takes to prime a pan. *Happy Dance* Okay, this thing works exactly as advertised. Now to go buy a couple (or ten) more.

Saturday, since Barnes & Noble was just one store over, I dragged the hubby there too. Ostensibly, I was looking for cookbooks, but found myself in the fitness section leafing through body sculpting books. Wound up walking out with two things: the Body Sculpting Bible Express for Women (will likely buy the full version later) and Jillian Michaels Hot Bod in a Box (yeah, it's not a DVD so she won't scare the living sh*t out of me!!). The JM box won't be used for a while, but I thought it was helpful to set it as an aspiration.



I'm trying to establish a more structured and consistent workout routine (and with the hockey season still going, chances of getting the gym membership are low), so I bought the new book to serve as trainer and guide for body sculpting. This week is a test run of Week One of its Six Week Workout plan. If it works for me (as I hope it will since I spent a lot of time looking at books), next week I'll start Week Two and keep going from there.

Finally, I figured I'd share my Fabulous Veggie Wrap recipe from last night (since it used my magical spray of awesomeness and all!):

Teriyaki Veggie Wraps
POINTS® Value: 3
Preparation Time: 2-5 minutes
Cooking Time: 15-20 minutes

Ingredients
2-4 sprays cooking spray (Misto!!!!)
1 1/2 cups white onion, sliced
1 10 oz. package mushrooms
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
1 cup bell peppers, red and greeen
2 wedges Laughing Cow Garlic and Herb Cheese Wedges
4 cups spinach, stems removed
4 La Tortilla Factory High Fiber Large Tortillas

Instructions
1. Spray a frying with two sprays of cooking spray and set over medium high heat.
2. Add onion, mushroom, salt and pepper to pan and saute for five minutes. Spray twice more with cooking oil if necessary.
3. Add teriyaki sauce and saute for another two minutes.
4. Add in bell peppers and saute until mushrooms have reduced, approximately another five minutes. Remove from heat.
5. Spread one tortilla with half a cheese wedge, top with one cup spinach and a quarter of vegetable mixture.
6. Wrap and enjoy.

Yields 4 vegetable wraps.

NOTE: I'm big on buying things pre-sliced and chopped if at all possible to minimize on preparation time - I hate cutting if I don't have to. My onions and bell peppers came in a fajita vegetable mix and I separated the onions out, then threw them in the pan with the bag of pre-sliced mushrooms. All told, this took a total of 20 minutes to prep, cook and plate, and it was delicious.