Singing for a smaller me

Yesterday afternoon, as I walked into the breakroom at work to warm up my lunch I was confronted with this ever so innocently (huh, yeah, right) sitting on the table:

*insert groan here*

Two chocolate cakes (and I luuurrrrvvvve chocolate) with an ever-so-convenient knife already in one of the containers.

Immediately, the little kid in me starting jumping, yelling, waving, doing a little dance and singing: "woohoo, it's caketime! It's really caketime! CAKETIME! And it's all for me 'cos no one else is here!" And in the past, I most likely would have allowed that part of me to take control, grabbed a slab of one cake or another (or better yet, two humongous slabs of cake -ugh!), gobbled one down while no one else was watching, gone for another, and still made my lunch. Yup, and felt like a huge, steaming pile of doggie doo twenty minutes later.

I'm proud to say I did not have a slice of either of those oh-so-tempting cakes yesterday, today, or at the potluck last Friday when they made their sneaky little way into the office. And thinking about it twenty minutes later, I really wasn't hungry for cake, I thought it would taste good, but the thought of all that sugar made my teeth hurt.

I'm proud of myself for resisting the urge to mindlessly snack on chocolate and fall back into my old habits. Still, I have to be extra vigilant at work that unseen temptation won't derail me.

The last thing anyone wants to do on a colder morning when you're cuddled up in bed is wake up early and exercise - yet that's exactly what I did this morning. Never thought I could make myself do it, but here it is nearly six hours later. I'm awake and alert and feeling pretty good about myself. Go figure.

One of my excuses for not working out was saying I could never find the time to exercise. It was complete bullsh*t. There's plenty of time during the day if I make the time - I have time to sit on my butt, watch tv, and play games on Facebook, so I have time to exercise. It wasn't the time, I just didn't *want* to exercise, and that doesn't cut it anymore. If this weight is going to come off, exercise has to become part of my daily routine. Getting here took a whole lot of work and getting back will take even more work.

Let's call today Day 4 of me and my buddy's 30 Days of Working Out Challenge. I'm at 3 of 4 days:

• Friday, Day One: I did a whole heck of a lot of walking because our office was in "OMGEmergencyMode, wedon'thaveenoughofthisorthat, gogetit!!!" So, I speed walked my way through the day and managed to pull in an half an hour there.


• Day Two, Saturday: was my Weight Watchers Get Fit DVD - the low intensity workout while the hubby gamed on the computer.


• Day Three, Sunday: I planned a work out after lunch with friends, but it didn't pan out. Lunch started late, ended late, there were errands to run, and then it was a going away dinner with my brother and sis-in-law. Got home around 9 p.m. Decided to go to sleep early and wake up in the morning to work out.


• Day Four, Today, Monday - I managed to wake my butt up at 4 a.m. this morning (which was not the time I planned on waking up). I was a little upset to see my alarm say 4 and not 5:30 a.m. as I was expecting. Guess I should have been a little more specific in my mantra before going to sleep. Instead of saying "I will wake up early, I will wake up early", I should have said "I will wake up with my alarm at 5:30" and so forth. Well, what can you do? I puttered around for an hour and a half, catching up on my blog reading and e-mails and at 5:30 sallied forth to get my exercise. It was a repeat of my Saturday workout, but I also did a circuit and a half of the Moderate Intesity workout on the same DVD bringing my workout total for the day to forty minutes.

In addition I've been staying on plan and writing down everything I eat. Can I say how much easier it is to keep track of my food on the Weight Watchers iPhone app? The darned thing is always with me and I'm usually using it in some form or another at any given point during the day. I always found carrying around a food journal with me a difficult chore - in so many cases I'd forget it at home or - better yet - it would get eaten up by the vastness of my purse. My phone on the other hand has a permanent home in my pocket or in an easily accesible pocket of my purse.

I'm really feeling good about the whole thing this go-round. Now I just need to remember to muscle through the "I Cant's", the "It's not fair's" and the whole self doubt thing. Still, I know I can do this. This is my time to take care of me and enjoy the process.

My friend Kathryn and I both have a similar amount of weight to lose. At a party several weeks ago (my friend Laura's bachelorette party as I recall) we got to talking about our weight loss journeys and needing a friend to help inspire us. Over text two nights ago we agreed to be each others weight loss checkin buddies. So our agreement is over the next thirty days we'll checkin with each other after our workouts to keep one another accountable, and if we haven't heard from each other we will double check to see if the other has kept up with their goals.

My workout goal for this month is at least five out of every seven days. I've never been great with regular aerobic workout videos, but love the advent of dance based workouts. Currently in my arsenal I have a Bollywood dance DVD, two Tahitian dance DVDs, a Yoga Booty Ballet DVD, and the Weight Watchers Get Fit DVD. My plans are to alternate either by week or day these DVDs with walking and see if I can keep up with it for thirty days. I also hope to add a few more over the course of the month - if I can do a different one every day of the week that would be great.

Some of my friends do hula hoop dance for working out. I was a little leery of it since normal hula hoops don't normally fit my hips and it's s little embarassing, however my friend Megan said she'd make me a custom hula hoop. I'm definitely stoked to try another workout that promises to be a lot of fun.

In other news, I finally went back to Weight Watchers meetings on Wednesday night. I don't know what was keeping me back, but I just decided to go. I need the accountability of meetings and someone else weighing me in. I went back to my old meeting place from 2005 and saw some of the same people It was good to be there, but I'm a little upset that the 50+ lbs to lose meetings are only during the weekdays and at 1pm on Saturdays. Still I'm excited and can't wait to see my progress.

Other than that, it's been a busy week or so. Thursday week last, my hubby and I went to see Rent in San Francisco. It was a blast. Immediately following was my friend Laura's rehearsal dinner and wedding. I was in the bridal party and overindulged a bit at both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, still I'm happy because I managed to maintain my weight. Tonight we're at the Bridge School Benefit with the headliner of No Doubt. I'm writing down all I eat and attempting to stay within my daily Points, but it's hard when you really want beer and liquor. Still I'm trying.

All in all a fun week which will be made even better if it ends with a weight loss.

Last night, the hubby and I along with a group of friends made our way to San Francisco to go see Rent at the Curran Theatre. It was pretty exciting because several of the Original Broadway Cast Members were touring with the show including the main two leads - Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp. We all had a great time, but I'll keep my gushing to a minimum.

Over the past couple of years I've learned to really enjoy going to the City - especially once I abandoned the idea of driving there. Just about anywhere you want to go is easily accessible by public transportation and walking, you don't have to pay for parking, and you're actually getting exercise. Go fig.

Normally, when going to the theatre we splurge for orchestra seating, but since we were with a group of friends this time it was balcony seating all the way. Now, the Curran Theatre is an older building so elevators are not the norm, hence we got to walk up and down the stairs (70-80 by my estimate) several times. If this had happened before I decided I needed to lose weight, it would have left me griping about why we pay for the price-y tickets, but I got to thinking - as I traversed the stairs for the second or third time - that it was pretty good exercise. (GO ME!) Spending less money and getting exercise - hmmmmm, this might be something I ponder more often.

Immediately after our drive up to the BART station in Millbrae we planned on stopping at In n' Out Burger for dinner before hopping on to the train. Unfortunately, traffic didn't seem to agree with that plan. It was an immediate trek to the train station with just enough time to add cash to our tickets and get going. I managed to keep my appetite in check all the way through the train ride, show, stage door waiting, autograph signing, walk to the station, and train ride back home without snacking. (WOOHOO!!!) Although it was another story entirely once we reached the car - light headed, punchy and badly needing something to eat, so off to In n' Out Burger we went. I finally got my hamburger of ohtoomanycaloriesandtoomuchfat and ordered a french fry. Yep, there's the problem in waiting that long to eat - the fries sounded delicious and I just had to have them. Fortunately my eyes were bigger than my stomach and my burger was really tasty - that basket of french fries lost their appeal by the time my burger was gone, and I threw out more than 3/4's of the basket. (WOOT!)

Progress on My Goals for this week:

1. Start back on writing down my food plan. - 3 for 3 days so far.
2. Read my response cards twice a day. - 2 for 3 on this one.
3. Walk a little bit every day. - 3 for 3 so far. Yay San Francisco!
4. Try to take the stairs at work at least twice a day. - 2 for 3 on this one, but I've started jotting down when I take the stairs in my food notebook. Yay for accountability.

Notes for myself:
I need to put my response cards in a more accessible place. When I have to hunt through my excessively large purse and/or backpack for them I'm less likely to keep up with them. Must start taking them out of my purse at the beginning of the day and placing them within hand's reach.

The hubby and I are going to In n' Out Burger for dinner tonight before heading into San Francisco to go see a show. Continuing with my efforts not to mindlessly eat three or four burgers for dinner, I headed over to the website to check out the nutritional information. Ouch. Allow me to say it again: Ouch, ouch, ouch. One hamburger the way I like it is nearly 400 calories with 19 grams of fat. Eeeek! Guess I get to have one hamburger and that's it.

Considering steaming two zucchinis before we leave and having that with my hamburger of ohtoomanycaloriesandtoomuchfat.

Over at The Incredible Shrinking Girl she's already put into words how I feel when I read restaurant's nutritional information far more eloquently than I can:

http://shrinkingirl.wordpress.com/2009/08/06/and-they-wonder-why-americans-are-getting-fatter/


http://shrinkingirl.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/nutrition-information-please/

Spent the last week down in Southern California celebrating my first anniversary with my wonderful husband and our friend Courtney's birthday. The group of us are fairly fanatic Disney freaks and so we spent five wonderful days in the Happiest Place on Earth.

I worried for the better part of a week wondering what I would do to keep on plan, and the other part of the week lamented the fact that I would likely gain weight because I would be unable to actually stick to a plan. Without actually knowing where and when we would be eating, I resigned myself to the inevitable and threw the towel in. Fortunately, my new eating habits apparently managed to stick, and although we were snacking all day long, I was mostly able to confine my snacks to smaller and healthier foods that would fill me up and keep me going throughout the day, and make better choices when we sat down to eat. I was rewarded this morning when I stepped on the scale to find that although I had lost no weight, I also hadn't gained any weight.

The one thing I'll say about Disney and dieting is that you're bound to do one heck of a lot of walking. Our daily average on walking was likely somewhere around three miles and at the height I'd say it was more along the lines of six miles. Around and around we went, from attraction to attraction.

On the fourth day we visited the parks all that walking, however, brought one of the worst issues I face with my weight problem to light. Three days of walking, waiting, walking, waiting, walking took a major toll on my lower back. Laughing made my back hurt, walking made my back hurt, standing made my back hurt, and with a sad sigh I had to rent a wheelchair in order to enjoy the last days of our trip. I was mortified, and although I joined in the joke that it was the best fastpass one could get in Disneyland, it embarrassed me to no end that my friends and husband had to push me and my rather large butt around.

Overall, I was pleased with myself and my progress, but I know I can do better. There are ways to go on vacation and stick to a plan, I know it. I let the "it's not fair"'s convince me that I could just let go and do whatever. Fortunately, my subconscious wasn't convinced and refused to allow me to overindulge like I thought I desired. So, that’s a success as far as I’m concerned: my mind knows what I really want and can keep me on track for a short while when I’m bound and determined to drive myself to ruin.

Goals for this week:

1. Start back on writing down my food plan.
2. Read my response cards twice a day.
3. Walk a little bit every day.
4. Try to take the stairs at work at least twice a day.

Weekends usually present me with my greatest weight loss challenges. My inclination is to want to eat out and indulge in any number of terrible foods and I'm more apt to feel like I'm really missing something by following my weight loss plan.

This weekend I had several of those "it's not fair" moments. Those moments where you look at the vegetables on your plate, sigh, and wish you could have that loaded baked potato or the chicken crispers, the french fries, or any number of other items that got me where I am now.

You know what I'm talking about?

I wasn't the best at strengthening my resistance muscle. As a matter of fact over the weekend I did a whole lot of giving in:

• Friday Night: Had popcorn and ice cream at the movie theatre. Popcorn with lots of greasy butter. As credit for myself, I didn't eat the whole bag, nor half of it, I stopped myself after a short while realizing that I was automatically eating because the good was there. Didn't hurt that the movie was severely gross and I should NOT have gone to see it. Note to self: do not see movies that you're even a little wary of because nightmares can and will follow.
• Saturday afternoon: Went out shopping with the hubby, didn't plan ahead and only brought the small purse, hence no smart snacks were on my person. On the plus side, we went to Chili's for lunch and I had soup and salad as my lunch (no cheese, no tortilla strips, dressing on the side). Following lunch, we went to the mall and spent several hours clothing shopping for Dave. Getting a little punchy we stopped at the quickest snack place we could. Coldstone Creamery. My intention was to get a mini Raspberry sorbet - heh. As a positive note, I only had a small mint ice cream with chocolate chips. In the past, my normal order was a mint ice cream with chocolate chips in one of those massive waffles cones covered with chocolate and sprinkles.
• Sunday: After the previous day's unplanned snacking, I brought my big purse with my healthy snacks. I felt pretty well prepared for what the day would offer, and didn't suffer any real cravings until after we left San Francisco and headed home. Instead of going home to eat, the hubby suggested TGIFriday's, and off we went. To my credit, I ordered the right price, right portion of the Shrimp Key West. The plate mainly contains broccoli and then two skewers of shrimp. I finished all the broccoli and had only one skewer of shrimp. On the other hand, I gave in to the siren call of the buffalo wings on our appetizer platter. Once we got home, the snacking continued from there and instead of dinner, I opened up a bag of Tostito's Hint of Lime Tortilla Chips. Didn't finish the whole bag, but it was definitely lighter than when I started.

To sum up, this weekend wasn't great foodwise for me. It was busy and I allowed sabotaging behaviors to get the better of me, however I did recognize that I was snacking and curbed the worst of my desires to overindulge. The next time it happens I will do better.

Now, I'm recommiting to my food plan. I will keep on track this week, I will write down everything that I eat, and I will make a great effort to stick to my weekly goals.

This Week's Goals:

1. Take the stairs at work more often with a target of three or four times each day.
2. Walk at lunch or breaktime at least three times this week.
3. Take hubby out for a walk at home at least twice this week.

Today's To-Do List:

1. Head to the grocery store and pick up foods for dinner party tonight.
2. (Today or tomorrow) Clean out refrigerator, chop up any unused veggies and toss them in the crockpot to make vegetable stock.
3. Get the junk that's been piling up out of the kitchen. Need the cleaned up space for dinner tonight.
4. Get luggage out of storage for anniversary trip starting Wednesday.

Last night my husband wanted pizza for dinner. Pizza. Ah, pizza, how much I enjoy eating thee. Your warm cheesy goodness, your greasy toppings, your crispy crusts all calling to me: "Suzanne, Suzanne, you know you want to eat me, you'll feel like crap later, but for now indulge in my doughy deliciousness". Pizza is one of *those* foods.

Doesn't help that Aunt Flo is a day or two around the corner, peeking her head out to say "Let's Eat!!!"

Fortunately, being one of those people that likes to plan what they're eating ahead of time I had a game plan. It's all part of my neverending quest to function in the real world while losing weight - develop a plan so you can be part of the food fun. Anyhow, I allotted myself two pieces of pizza based on what I'd already had to eat and planned on a big salad as part of my dinner too.

Reality check here: Dave, my hubby, typically orders an extra large pizza for the two of us. In the past, I'd usually eat about a quarter of the pizza, leave the rest to him of which he'd eat about half, then the remainder wound up in the fridge as leftovers. Oh, and he doesn't eat crusts, so I eat those too. After all, you can't waste food, right?

So, Dave - being the absolute doll he is - puts my two slices on a plate and hands it to me. Yes, just two slices and I couldn't help but think how tiny those two slices looked. Still, I started out with the best of intentions to eat just those two slices and then go get my salad. If you're thinking that those intentions flew right out the door once I finished eating those two slices then you would be absolutely correct. I was able to keep it to a third piece of pizza by eating slowly, but there were also all those crusts that my husband won't eat.

It is not a crime to leave food uneaten.

Looking back, I realize my big mistake was not having the salad ready to go while I was busy nomming away. If it *had* been there, instead of theoretically waiting for me to put it together in the fridge, the more likely outcome is dinner would have ended with my yummy spring field greens salad.

Little victories: I didn't pig out on pizza. I only had one more piece than I planned. Next time I will do better.

In an effort to keep moving forward on this new regime, I'm setting some goals for myself and will try to keep up with them on a weekly basis.

This Week's Goals:

1. Take the stairs at work more often with a target of three or four times each day.
2. Walk at lunch or breaktime at least three times this week.
3. Take hubby out for a walk at home at least twice this week.

Today's To-Do List:

1. Practice Arias for MONC Competition on Sunday.
2. Fix any notes not correct in my American aria.
3. Clean out refrigerator, chop up any unused veggies and toss them in the crockpot to make vegetable stock. Get the junk that's been piling up out of the kitchen.
4. Figure out what we're having for dinner on Monday night when we have friends coming over.
5. Get to the Mall and buy top and/or new outfit for competition on Sunday.