Singing for a smaller me

In the Many Adventures of Zan, weekends have typically been the time when I say "to H*LL" with the program, go and have a lot of fun, and regret it instantly.

As we come back to this second installment of "An Accomplished Weekend", our heroine has been squeeing over having a fabulous Saturday. Will that accomplishment last into Sunday? Will she succeed in winning back the weekend for weight loss?

Oh, enough of that, OF COURSE!

Things being what they are, the hubby and I have a pretty active social life. We eat out multiple nights a week, so I've become quite the accomplished "figuring-outer" of restaurant menus. I know they say a key to weight loss success is disengaging the focus of hanging out from food, but that probably wouldn't work here. My goal is to find a happy medium between reality and what I'd like reality to be while keeping sight of my goals.

So, that brings us to Sunday, which was nowhere near as busy as Saturday, but started with brunch at that infamous WW blackhole, the Olive Garden.

Do you how many items on the Olive Garden menu have a full days portion of calories? Fortunately, they're one of the few chain restaurants that publishes full nutritional information on their website. *golf claps*

Eating out with this particular group of friends makes me feel ridiculously virtuous. One girl brags that she almost never eats her meal because she fills up on breadsticks and salad, and I've learned to keep my mouth shut.

The Bad and Worse at Olive Garden:

1) The Bad: Breadsticks are 3 POINTS a piece
2) The Worse: The Salad. One Serving with dressing: 8.5 POINTS!!!! That's one serving! If you want the salad, order it without dressing, add a squeeze of lemon and a little pepper - still dee-lish. And, like me, you'll likely be the only one eating it without dressing. Take it home! Have a huge salad for dinner! Or lunch the next day!!!

It's frightening that I used to have the same attitude as my friend. It's easy to eat a basket of breadsticks, then convince myself that the salad, while covered in dressing, was good for me. HAH!

I'll stick with my Venetian Apricot Chicken (in the lunch sized portion) for 5 POINTS. *gasp* Only five points??? Yeah, well, add the appetizer (I still have a soft spot for fried foods), the breadstick, salad, glass of red wine, and two of those little mint chocolates afterwards.

The damage: I halfed my meal, took some breadsticks home, the rest of the salad, and had it for dinner. That was about the sum total of my POINTS for the day.

We ran a few errands afterwards, got the new car stereo installed (Yay!!), and watched the Team Canada vs. Team USA Olympic Hockey Game.

And, finally, in news of the shocking!!! I worked out! After all that and a hockey game, I threw on my workout clothes, popped in the new workout, Goddesslife Cardio Bellydance, and bumped and grooved my way through 45 minutes. Still feeling pretty virtuous, I decided on a topper and tried out the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga. Ow! Must remember, anything that says the Biggest Loser, even yoga, will kick my butt.

Well, I think that's more than enough squee for one day. Have a great one!

Time and again I've talked about how my plan regularly goes to the cr*pper over the weekends. Over and over it's left me feeling terrible and just plain guilty. Workouts go to the wayside, I eat unplanned meals, and snack way too much.

Not this weekend, baby!

After feeling like a schlub for the past month's worth of weekends, I finally realized it doesn't have to be that way. Just because last weekend sucked, or the weekend before, doesn't mean that all of my weekends to come are going to be a test of my desire to give in to temptation and laziness.

Saturday, I jumped a little ahead in the Beck Diet Solution, to conduct a little hunger experiment. The whole idea is proving to yourself that hunger is NOT an emergency. Ate a light breakfast, then headed off to do errands. Started off at Best Buy to get a new car stereo (didn't have all the parts, couldn't get installed to Sunday - *sigh*). Then it was on to a mall tour of San Jose: Valley Fair (yay new clothes! and in a size smaller too), Westgate, and Oakridge (picked up a bellydance DVD - woot! new workout!).

Yes, I bought new clothes. Cute, new clothes. Seriously, adorable, cute, new clothes! I love me my Torrid shopping. And all of them were in a size 2x!!!! Seriously?!?! 2x? Yes! The 3x's are way too big now. Yup, calls for a happy dance.

Now you might wonder, what about the food court and your hunger experiment? Honestly, I hadn't thought about that when planning out my day. Usually the delicious aromas emanating from food vendors leave me drooling, and I can't walk past without getting something. But guess what this girl did??? Yeah, I walked past and didn't care! I'll admit walking past Mrs. Field's was a chore, but did I really need that chocolate chip cookie?? Nope!

This, my friends, is huge! Amazingly huge! Amazingly, super, mega huge!

Okay, I'll stop it with the adjectives.

Every hour or so I stopped and checked in with myself to see if I was feeling actual, physical hunger. My brain kept telling me to eat, but there were none of the tummy rumblings or feelings of light headedness to say food was a necessity. When my brain started yelling at me, I drank a little water and kept on shopping.

Finally got home around 6:30 p.m. and was just beginning to feel a little light-headed. Decided a snack might be in order, then watched some tv.

Cooking didn't seem like the best idea at that point, so the hubby, BFF and I went out to Chili's. Seeing as I had something like 25 POINTS to eat for the rest of the day, I allowed myself to have a couple of Texas Cheese Fries (estimated at 5 POINTS), then ordered myself the Classic Chicken Fajitas (15 POINTS including tortillas), and a beer (2 POINTS).

Day done. Wow!

Status of hunger experiment: Pretty freakin' successful if you ask me.
Status of my stomach: not dead yet.
Status of me: OMG, I did it! I made it from 10:30 a.m. in the morning to 6:30 p.m. without eating anything.

Ah, success, how I love thee.

Despite my whining and griping about having a crummy week, I apparently didn't do as badly as I thought. The other day I mentioned stepping on the scale and seeing a +.2 gain. Well, Weight Watchers was last night, and I'm proud to say that I'M NOW IN THE 250'S!!!!!!

This Week's Stats

Previous Weight: 260.8 lbs
Current Weight: 259.4 lbs
Weight Lost: -1.4 lbs

Total Weight Lost: -32.2 lbs

Holy Heck! I fully expected to step on the scale last night and see nothing lost or a gain.

Can we say Happy Dance Time!!!!

And in other news of the freaking fan-tab-u-lous: I made it all the way through the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Week One workout!!!!! And it kicked my behind! My thighs are sore, my arms are sore, my butt is sore, and I'm feeling fine. I did jumping jacks! Jumping jacks! Full-on freaking jumping jacks. Ohmigod. Twenty pounds ago, I couldn't even make it through one circuit of that workout. It's difficult now, but I did it!

Cue the happy dance! Again!

Yesterday was one of those days I wasn't expecting to be a good one. Just goes to show you, even at your least motivated, if you stick to the plan, you will get results

And continuing with my series of weekly check-ins with myself I bring you:

Weekly Check-In 2/10 - 2/16/10

How do I feel I did this week? What are three things I can give myself credit for? What was successful for me? Is there anything I'm particularly proud of?

I'm on the fence. I had a pretty successful weigh-in at Weight Watchers and reached the goal I wanted to reach, but feel like I fell flat on my face over the following days. On the other hand, I managed to keep within my POINT range and not go over my weekly POINT allowance.

Exercise-wise: fail, fail, FAIL. I worked out twice. Once on Thursday and once on Saturday. On the other hand, that's twice more than I would have worked out before I started losing weight.

I didn't lose myself completely in the chocolate induced coma of Valentine's Day, but I had more than I planned.

It was a so-so week.

Am I still excited/motivated to lose weight?

Yes.

Am I sitting down to eat? How often?

95% of the time I sit down to eat. I find I have no problem sitting down for meals at work, but when I'm at home cooking it's a different story. Little taste here. Little nibble there. Le sigh.

Am I eating slowly and with awareness?

Mostly. Trying to take small bites and stretch foods out over longer periods of time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Gotta work on this.

Is anything in my routine not working?

I can not get myself to workout with any regularity. I plan for it, then can get off my behind to follow through.

What, if anything, do I need to change in my routine to succeed?

Thinking of joining a gym. Don't like paying the ridiculous 24 Hour Fitness fees, but there's one less than a mile from our house, and I think some mindless cardio might be just what the doctor ordered.

What healthy habit will I practice/goal will I meet in the coming week?

Exercise. I need to freaking exercise. Four days for at least thirty minutes.

Cheers!

Since Thursday's work potluck and subsequent bad eating days I've avoided the scale. I've built up this irrational fear my body took all the crud I fed it over the past five days and immediately transferred it to my butt and thighs.

This morning, I decided to face my scale fear and hop on right after I woke up. Step on. *blink blink* That can't be right, can it? Step off. Step on again. It only went up .2 lbs. Go figure. Then I looked back at my journaling for the past five days (yes, I kept up with it). While I didn't eat great, I also haven't expended my weekly allowance of extra POINTS. Huh.

Goes to show ya, the journaling works.

Anyhow, I'm not too proud to admit that extended weekends mean my healthy habits go to the wayside. I try to stay within my weekly POINTS (and usually succeed), but eating filling foods? Doesn't happen. Working out? Might happen. Add to the mix an out of town friend staying the weekend, copious quantities of heart shaped chocolates, and a Sunday night Valentine's Day party with way too much alcohol, you have the recipe for one seriously lazy Monday.

A normal Monday usually involves a decent variety of foods, lots of recipe hunting, and me making something I've never tried before. Yeah, not so much this Monday. It was Meatless, but Meatless the lazy way. I won't even bother sharing my food plan because it was that lazy. It essentially consisted of a fiber one bar, chocolate, and a small, skinny crust Guinevere's Garden Delight pizza from Round Table.

There are any number of excuses I could offer why I just refused to do anything of use:

• Busy Sunday (Woke up early, got new tires on my car, took hubby to get a new battery for his truck (twice!!!), made breakfast (pumpkin pancakes - yumm!))


• Drank too much Sunday night


• I just didn't want to do anything

You probably get the point.

Ah well, it's a new day, Monday is over and it's back to the grind. Let's call today a do-over for Meatless Monday.

And, as a side note, I was super happy with how I looked on Sunday night before the party:





I'm a far cry from my goal, but look so much better, and feel a heck of a lot more confident. What a difference between this and my AHA moment pictures!

Hope everyone has a great week!

I spent the past week so focused on hitting that 30 lb goal that I didn't prepare myself for the crash that would follow. Hitting a milestone is great, as is intense focus on a goal, but not looking forward and prepping for the following week is foolish.

I've been hungry. Ridiculously hungry. I'm not eating any differently than I was, but I feel deprived. There's this overwhelming panic running through my brain that I might never get to eat something again.

I'm making good choices, but eating crap afterwards.

It started Thursday night after the potluck at work. I'm blaming that damned cake. I didn't plan on eating it, and should have stuck to my guns, but it looked so good. I figured a small slice wouldn't hurt, then I only ate half of it. Should have been the end of the story.

Thursday night, I should have made dinner, but couldn't find the motivation. Hubby offered to order pizza. It was such an easy way out of cooking! Instead of telling him to order my veggie personal sized pizza, I was saying order me the small. Once I was home and the pizza was there, I couldn't keep myself to the planned three pieces. First it was a fourth piece of pizza, then sweethearts, finally a slice of the hubby's pepperoni, sausage and black olive pizza.

Yesterday, my boss gave us these little valentines day cups filled with hershey's kisses and m & m's. I know what I should have done: said thank you, taken the card, and tossed the rest in the garbage, or poured water over it. Instead, I ate three kisses. Then all I could think of was chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!!!!

During dinner out with friends last night I ate my meal, saw the fruit plate someone else ordered, said "oh, I'll order that for dessert". Which I did. And plowed through. Then I ordered the red velvet cake. And planned to eat half of it. Then ate all of that.

The past two days have been an exercise in giving in to cravings.

Fortunately, I saw the pattern this morning and cut it off at the knees. Despite wanting a quick chocolate fix for breakfast, I went back to my trusty Fiber One bar.

After a good workout tonight, I'm back on track and ready to face the world. So glad I caught myself as I fell.

My office, and I'm sure I've mentioned this before, is full of food pushers, foodies, and food addicts (yeah, I'm one of the latter). There isn't a month that goes by there's not a potluck for one celebration or another, be it a birthday, Cinco de Mayo, Christmas, Baby's first word, and so on. These potlucks normally bring my structured food world to a crashing halt. One lady always brings egg rolls, another always brings desserts (plural), and the rest of them go to local eateries to pick any number of delectable delights.

This time I had a plan. I kept the food really light in the morning and brought that great salad I had earlier in the week, the Orange-Cilantro Black Bean Salad. It sounded perfect for this month's Mexican Food theme, and I figured "hey, I'll just fill my plate up with that, and then have one other thing". Great plan.

Or not.

Turns out my salad was really popular. Popular to the point that it was 3/4's of the way gone by the time I had my turn in line. Grr. I loaded up on as much of it as I could while leaving a bit for those behind me.

Time for salad #2: iceberg. Mmm. Yummy. NOT. The only redeeming qualities were the artichoke hearts and avocado.

Discovery of the day, however, was the Fiesta Chicken Tortilla Soup from Safeway. Only 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, and 3 grams of fiber per cup. That's 2 POINTS!!!!!! Didn't take a look at the sodium, but I'm sure it's not good. Whatever.

Then there was the cake. Ah, cake, how I've missed you! What's that you say? You're an ice cream cake with chocolate cake made up to look like a giant oreo cookie? Must . . . . resist . . . . Or have just a tiny slice. And I left half of it on my plate despite part of me begging to eat the rest.

Total Damage: 11 POINTS. Okay. That's not bad in the grand scheme of things. YAY!!!

Last night was the weekly Weight Watchers Meeting. Topic: Making yourself a priority. Not something I have that much of an issue with, I'm great at making time for me (I just wasn't great at making it HEALTHY time for me).

And I have great news to report:

This Week's Stats

Previous Weight: 264.2 lbs
Current Weight: 260.8 lbs
Weight Lost: -3.4 lbs

And that means!!!!

Total Weight Lost: -30.8 lbs

I HIT MY TEN PERCENT GOAL (29 lbs)!!!!!

and

I LOST 30 LBS!!!!! Not only did I lose thirty pound I smashed right past it. Scuse while I do my happy dance.

And you know what else???? I finally got the frickin' charm keychain!!!!! And here it is with the charms I've already earned but had no place to put 'em:

Okay, have a good one folks. I'm gonna go continue my happy dance.

Over the past couple of years I've been one of those people that avoided cameras like the plague. I didn't want people to take pictures of me, period, end of story. Part of it was reaction to my mom's penchant for picture-taking (growing up we joked you developed "insta-smile" in our house), and part of it was not wanting to face reality. The reality that I was morbidly obese.

Whenever I looked in a mirror, it was from the shoulders up, and if anyone *was* going to take my picture I insisted on no full-length shots. I'd jut my chin out to hide the double chin, cock my head to the side, turn my head down just a little bit, suck in my cheeks and smile. The few times people did get full-lengths of me, I refused to look at them, or they just wouldn't show me. Great way to get an accurate picture, huh?

Leave it to my mom and her picture-taking penchant to finally bring me to terms with the truth. And I couldn't be more grateful to her.

Let's set the scene. It's the first family event we're hosting at our home, it's Easter Day, we had the egg hunt earlier in our back yard and everyone showed up an hour early (Grrr). I had a singing gig a few hours after the egg hunt and only had an hour or so to prep dinner before everyone showed up again. Again, people came back early. Surprise!!! So, a frazzled me isn't quite finished with the appetizers and the salad is not ready.

Okay, here I am, holding a fennel bulb for the salad, not paying any attention and my mom snapped this gem (Please join me in a collective groan):

Eeeeeek. Now, I know it wouldn't be a great picture of anyone, but when I finally got the guts to look at it I nearly collapsed in shock.

WHAT? How the heck had I let myself get that big?!?! All of this time, I thought I looked pretty good, but was really just lying to myself.

It became clear that I had to do something. There was no denying what that picture showed me and over several months I started and stopped programs in what I'm now calling my "preparation phase".

I didn't weigh myself until several months later, but am pretty sure I was over 300 lbs.

And for your viewing pleasure, two more "before" pictures:









Today, I have to thank my mom for her picture-taking penchant. If it wasn't for her, it might have taken me a lot longer to come to that moment.

Slowly but surely, I'm slogging through the pages of The Beck Diet Solution. Don't get me wrong, it's not a long book, but I am definitely following the adage of slow and steady wins the race.

Day five specifically deals eating in a slow and mindful manner. which essentially translates to, "don't shovel food down your throat like it's going out of style!!!" Actually, what I say to myself (which I'm trying not to do because putting myself down doesn't really help anything): don't shovel food down your throat, piggy. That's how you got fat!!! Anyhow.

What does eating in a slow and mindful manner actually mean?

To me, it actually means taking the time to enjoy your food, really taste it, and to stop and allow that feeling of full to catch up with your "Oh em gee, I need to eat now!!" response. It's spacing your meal out over a chunk of time, and putting your fork down between bites. And, in the end, it's actually listening to your body's response to food.

Too many times I've plowed through dinner without really tasting anything but the salt I'd used to make my french fries not have the flavor of fried mush. I'd eat and eat and eat stuffing bite after bite into my mouth until I felt full, then manage to cram dessert in there. Twenty minutes later I was so full I could barely walk.

Sound familiar?

This does NOT come naturally to me. My instinct says stuff myself until sick and then eat some more.

Just by being aware of this instinct, I'm less inclined to shovel food in my face, and apt to put my fork down to stop myself from going into a feeding frenzy.

Tuesday's Check-In

How do I feel I did this week?

Actually, I'm feeling pretty good this week. I made a conscious decision to eat well over the weekend and stuck with it. Other than that, I've felt really committed to making progress.

Am I still excited/motivated to lose weight?

Absolutely!!

Am I sitting down to eat? How often?

I'd say I'm sitting down to eat 9 times out of 10. It's tough to remember to sit when you've got a buffalo chik'n wrap in your hand, and you want to chow down. But the important part is giving yourself a reminder, taking a few moments to find that seat and really concentrate on your food.

Am I eating slowly and with awareness?

Mostly.

What was successful for me? Is there anything I'm particularly proud of?

My big success this weekend was promising myself to eat well over the weekend (like I said before). That and stick with my exercise plan.

What are three things I can give myself credit for?

1) Staying on track while stuck at home.
2) Exercising five days this week.
3) Managing my portion sizes at Saturday's training for work.

Is anything in my routine not working? What, if anything, do I need to change in my routine to succeed?

My routine feels pretty solid this week. Alternating morning and evening workouts seems to have resolved my greater working out issue.

Did I accomplish my healthy habit/goal for the past week?

Yes, I did. I exercised for five days (at an average of 45 minutes a day!!)

What healthy habit will I practice/goal will I meet in the coming week?

Journal every bite of food I'm eating.

Okay, back to your normal programming folks, and have a great week!

This past Monday I was stuck at home feeling like crud. Normally, this would mean a whole passel of crummy, bad-for-me foods and watching lots and lots of tv. Fortunately, I kept myself out of the kitchen, and while feeling sorry for myself cause I couldn't do anything I only munched on healthy snacks.

Woot! Go me!

There's really not much to say about what I did, other than watched lots of Law and Order: SVU and Criminal Intent, and finally saw White Collar. Love Law and Order, White Collar was kind of eh. I knew I'd hit bottom when the only show that was slightly interesting was on the Lifetime Movie Network. (Gahhh! Someone stop me!)

Side note: My personal opion of LMN: It's the theatrical equivalent of a lobotomy. Lifetime Originals have paper thin plots and lots of bad acting. It's where bad actors go to die a slow, hard death.

Once I scared myself silly watching LMN for longer than ten minutes, I shut the tv off and dragged my butt into the kitchen to cook. Yay!!

Monday's Meatless Plan

Breakfast:
2 Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bars. 5.5 POINTS.

Snack:
None.

Lunch:
1 piece vegetarian pizza. 1 cup vanilla ice cream. 10 POINTS.

Snack:
Apple Juice. 2.5 POINTS

Dinner:
Orange-Cilantro Black Bean Salad over romaine, Coconut Jasmine Rice with Seitan (Both recipes I found over at Ms. Bitchcakes Blog. 8 POINTS.

Dessert:
1 cup vanilla ice cream with Chocolate Magic Shell. 6 POINTS

Total POINTS: 32. No activity POINTS. Grr.

Yes, Right on target!!! Even when stuck at home. And I managed to get in five servings of fruits and vegetables. Color me surprised and cue the happy dance.

This whole Meatless Monday thing has been ridiculously beneficial to my weight loss plan. I'm experimenting with different kinds of food, and rediscovering my love affair with vegetables.

Maybe one day I'll make the jump and go completely vegetarian, but for now I'm super happy as a flexitarian.

Screwing Up. Maybe it's intentional, maybe it isn't, but we all do it.

You have to let it go, otherwise it will just keep eating at you. We're human, we screw up, no one can be perfect all the time. That doesn't mean you can't aim for perfection, but don't set yourself up for failure by expecting perfection.

And each slip-up is a learning experience. Figure out what went wrong, and figure out some way that it won't happen again.

How about this anecdote to better illustrate my point:

One of my favorite things are Sour Jacks candies. I looooove them. Normally, I treat myself to a box when we go out to see a movie (and we don't go to them very often), and plan them as an indulgence.
Well, little did I know Target sells them in large, plastic containers.

Last weekend on my once a week trip to Target, I went down the candy aisle searching for my Dark Chocolate Fling bars. Every place I've gone is out of them!!! And this time was no different. Instead of turning around and delivering myself from that dark, decadent haven, I continued onwards. Lo and behold, this plastic container of one of my very favorite things calls to me from the other side of the aisle. And, before you know it, that box of empty calories is in my cart being wheeled away.

I should have told myself "NO", turned my butt around, and put them right back where they belong.

I didn't.

Now, this package of sugary, sinful sweets resides with me. Did I do the smart thing and parcel them out into single serving baggies? Yeah, not so much. Did I hide them somewhere so that I might forget about them? Nope, they went directly to the family room, near the TV so I could eat some while watching my favorite shows. Out of the box.

BAD IDEA.

There are something like eight servings in there. The box has been opened three times and there's - maybe - one serving left. And I had to stop myself from finishing them last night so "they didn't tempt me anymore". GAHHHHH!!!!

What do I do now? Don sack cloth and ashes, flagellate myself for all to see? That would serve no purpose except to reinforce my good/bad relationship with food.

I have to move on and take this lesson away: Sour Jacks are best left as a treat when I go to the movies, they have no place in my home; if I find myself in possession of them at home I can do one of two things: throw them out or put them into single-serving bags and hide them away.

As I planned this post I purposefully pondered the prospect of placing plentiful W's in its titled without appearing preposterous (hah! and yes, if I could have figured out a few more "p" words I would have used those too!). "Wednesday's Weight Watchers Weekly Weigh-in" read like a tongue twister and somehow seemed unnecessary, so I settled on four instead of five.

Yeah, anyhow . . .

went to Weight Watchers last night (but you couldn't tell that from the title of this post, could you???)

This Week's Stats

Previous Weight: 265.4 lbs
Current Weight: 264.2 lbs
Weight Lost: -1.2 lbs

Total Weight Lost: -27.4 lbs

Rawr, I'm so close to having lost thirty pounds I can taste it. Not that I'm not happy. I am. Extremely so. Continuing to lose weight while going through a tough period is monumental.

Apparently, I was wrong about that charm keychain. You get it for hitting your ten percent goal, which is 1.6 lbs away. Grr. That's okay, I have a plan in mind to really buckle down this week and try to hit not only my 10% goal (29 lbs), but the thirty pound mark as well. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

It seems that the last couple of topics have been quite apt for me timewise. Last week the discussion was emotional hunger vs. real hunger which - obviously - was a topic I needed to address. This week's topic was maintaining motivation. Huh. I think I wrote something about this a week or so back.

So, maintaining motivation. What's the secret behind it? How come some people manage to lose all their weight while some keep on falling off the wagon? The key is in healthy habits and a good attitude about your program. Remembering to congratulate yourself for your successes, not beating yourself up over imperfect choices, finding something to anchor you to success. These are just a few of the tools one uses to achieve their goal.

I've noticed that too many people don't take advantage of the tools to which they have access. For instance, WW meetings are once a week. Just once a week. I've always been pretty big on participating in discussion groups, but why is it that me and my WW buddy Shelly are the only ones talking for the most part??? Seriously, you have to find your own answers. Only you can find the key to unlocking your own success, and taking place in a FRICKIN' CONVERSATION might help!

Okay. I'm going to cut this off before it turns into a rant, and call this a successful week. Now, I just have to take a deep breath and keep on going step by step by step.

What is it about discussing weight loss programs that suddenly everyone's an expert and can't wait to give me their opinion? And we've all dealt with them, the Good Samaritan who thinks it's their duty to tell you what you should and shouldn't eat, and how you should go and follow this specific diet because it's the only way to lose weight.

*Sarcasm Alert*

Gee, thank you for butting in on a conversation you had nothing to do with. I'm so very glad I've now learned the one twue way to lose weight. I've seen the light!!!

*End Sarcasm*

Hey jerkface, your ten grams of fat a day diet won't necessarily work for me. South Beach worked for you? Great, I'm happy for you.

Guess what? I'm not you!

Don't tell me I shouldn't eat pizza or hamburgers or whatever. This is *my* freaking plan. If I schedule in pizza once in a while it's my damn decision. Cos you know what? If I can't eat out with my friends or go to a restaurant with my husband, I'm screwed from the beginning.

I appreciate other people's opinion on weight loss. I wouldn't be blogging here if I didn't!! But eating is a part of life. Deprivation is not something I do. That doesn't mean I'm stuffing my piehole with cakes and candies every five minutes. However, I am learning to enjoy some of these "dangerous" foods, and will continue to do so because that's life, and as I said before, I will say again: this is my plan and it's working for me. Thank you very much.

My motivation has been down in the dumps recently, and I'm trying pretty hard to keep those dumps from spreading to every area of my life. Maintaing focus on the importance of my weight loss is a constant struggle and every day I do what I can to simply keep one foot in front of the other.

I've avoided continuing my Beck Diet Solution discussion because I haven't read past the first week. Still, one of the best things about following along with Beck is the encouragement to take it at your own pace. Don't feel bad if you didn't read Day 5 on Day 5. So what if it takes you a week to work on Day 1? That's life. Keep on going with a speed that's comfortable for you.

It's that slow, methodical approach that's keeping me on track right now. Setting little daily goals like "drink 40 ounces of water by lunch time" or "you can't do this until you've worked out for at least 30 minutes". They feel like negotiations with my subconcious, but if it works . . .

What better day to talk about Day 4 of Beck - Giving Yourself Credit?

It seems pretty logical. Give credit where credit is due, but - for myself at least - when it comes to weigh loss I'm not entirely logical.

There's this whole section of my brain that doesn't think I've accomplished anything particularly spectacular. It should be second nature for me to pass the candy jar and not take a piece. It should be second nature to wake up and work out in the morning.

Still, I'm exceptionally proud of myself for fighting past my demons and sticking with the plan, even if I'm not super excited any more. This is the hard part, the honeymoon phase is over, and now I have to fall back on all the good habits I picked up the past couple of months. Every day, I have to take a moment, give myself a pat on the back, and keep on going.

On another note, Zumba is pretty frickin' cool. A few days back I mentioned to a co-worker my interest in purchasing the DVDs and she loaned me her set!!! I've been waffling back and forth on buying them. Now, I can strut my stuff and see if I like it. Guess what? Based on yesterday's workout I like it!!!

And for your viewing pleasure I've come up with a list of diet excuses I've vowed to not say again and am sick and tired of hearing.

Zan's Top Ten of Diet Excuses.

10. I can start tomorrow.
9. I don't feel that bad.
8. I'm too busy to lose weight.
7. I'm too busy to exercise.
6. I can't afford to eat well.
5. I have to keep junk food around for so and so, my kids, etc.
4. Diet food is boring and doesn't taste good.
3. It's too hard to lose weight.
2. I just can't lose weight.
1. It's not fair.

Any excuses you vow to never say again? Anything you're tired of hearing?

The past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Finding out about my mom and realizing I can't do anything to help her but be a shoulder to cry on left me in a state of complete helplessness. I've been fighting excuse after excuse to keep myself on track. The "I can't lose weight" or "I'm never going to succeed" thoughts keep popping into my head, and it's a battle to not let them win out.

Still, I'm sticking to my plan, not allowing emotional responses to get the better of me, and I can say I'm proud of myself.

Over at The Chubby Girl Diaries, Kellie brought up the whole idea of Check-in conversations several weeks ago. A friend of hers in the past said the secret to their business success was checking in with themselves. A pretty simple idea and logical at that, yet not something I've ever thought to do with myself. It seems a good way to gauge progress and identify problems while they're still small problems, and not big, honking, crazy, ohmigod I need to eat a whole pizza and a big mac and a chocolate cake and cookies problems.

So, here we go, starting today, I'm putting it out here for everyone to see:

How do I feel I did this week?

I really feel like I've spent the entire week phoning it in, committed to weight loss in a sort of vague manner, and following my plan robotically.

Friday afternoon, I let anxiety get the best of me. My stomach went to Hell and I allowed the "I'm feel crappy" mood to color everything I did all weekend. Sunday was spent on the couch watching TV. All I could think "I should get up and workout", but I didn't.

I'm not happy with myself or the bad habits I settled into over the weekend, and my stomach still hasn't recovered.

Am I still excited/motivated to lose weight?

I find little motivators everywhere, but there's this part of my brain that's intent on being down and dreary. I'm realizing I've hit that point where it's not excitement or motivation that's going to be the impetus for me losing weight. It's a day by day battle to remember why losing weight is so important.

Is anything in my routine not working?

Working out in the morning is not working at all. It was great when I started because it really set the stage for me to commit to a workout routine. I'd wake up, get my workout in right away and feel refreshed. Recently, the snooze button has been too tempting and I've been sleeping in later and later, then rushing through my morning routine, and barely making it into work on time. I've had to force myself numerous times over the past few weeks to work out immediately after work because I just didn't have enough time in the morning.

What, if anything, do I need to change in my routine to succeed?

First, I need to schedule my workout for sometime other than mornings. I can't keep doing the rushing thing in the morning.

Second, I have to take it day by day, maintain my good habits, and find what little motivations I can.

What healthy habit will I practice this week?

Exercising 4 days this week for at least 45 minutes.

Okay, folks, I think I'm ready to face the rest of the week. Good luck to all of you.

Going meatless on Mondays was something I thought I'd have to really work at, but actually find myself looking forward to. Planning for it. Whodda thunk? And, yay, multiple goals taken care of in one sitting - eating meatless and cooking at home!!! W00t!!

Last night's dinner was pizza (remember meatless, NOT vegan), and the BFF came over. My original intent was leftovers for lunch today or so, but was apparently so tasty that it all disappeared. I wonder where??

Meatless Monday Meal Plan

Breakfast:
Green Monster Smoothie (2 cups spinach, 1/2 cup mixed berries, 3/4 cup apple juice), Fiber One Bar. 6 POINTS.

Snack:
Strawberry Fruit Strip. 1 POINT.

Lunch:
Morningstar Farms Buffalo Wings, Chocolate VitaTop Vitamuffin. 6 POINTS.

Dinner:
Buffalo Chik'n Pizza (See recipe below) - 3 slices. 13.5 POINTS.

Dessert:
2 Servings Sour Jacks Candy. 6 POINTS.

Total: 32.5 POINTS. Woot! Half a point into my weekly balances. I might finally be figuring this thing out!

Activity: 20 minutes Low Impact Workout DVD, 20 minutes Belly Dancing. 4 POINTS earned.

And here's the recipe I was kvelling over:

Buffalo Chik'n Pizza

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cooking Time: 15 minutes




1 pkg Trader Joe's Whole Wheat Pizza Dough
1 pkg Morningstar Farms Chik'n Strips
1 tbsp olive oil
4 tbsp Frank's Buffalo Wings Sauce
1/2 cup pizza sauce
1 cup low fat Mozzarella Cheese, shredded
1/4 cup celery, diced
1/4 cup onion, diced
1/4 cup carrot, diced
1 tbsp garlic, diced

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees and prepare cookie sheet and pizza dough as directed by Pizza Dough package.
2. Heat oil in a skillet over medium high heat. Add Chik'n strips and cook for 3-4 minutes.
3. Cut Chik'n strips into bite sized pieces and toss in Buffalo Wings Sauce.
4. Coat pizza dough with sauce and sprinkle with approximately 3/4's of the cheese.
5. Add chik'n, garlic and vegetables and drizzle with any remaining wing sauce. Cover with remaining cheese.
6. Cook for approximately 15 minutes until cheese is bubbly and crust edges begin to brown.

Makes 8 servings.
4.5 POINTS per slice.

Yeah, I'm just a little stoked here. Go me!

I'm in a fruit and vegetable rut. Every week it's the same standard fare, the same types of meals, with the same boring foods, and food ennui is the kiss of death for me and weight loss.

In an effort to get out of my comfort zone, I've been pondering a subscription to a home organic produce delivery service. Here, that service is Farm Fresh to You, a farm in the Capay Valley about 90 miles north of San Francisco. .

I'll admit, I'm intrigued. The whole seasonal produce thing sounds fab, but as one in possession of a black thumb (and I mean I kill just about everything I try to grow) backyard gardening is out of the question. And before you ask, we have a gardener since I'm kinda prissy and hate, hate, HATE getting dirty.

Moving on.

My stylist and I were discussing this Friday night and she said the drawback for her was never knowing what she was going to get. HA! Isn't that my point exactly? To push my boundaries? To escape the blahs of boring eating? To get out of my normal routine and eat something besides my every day produce selections?

No decision yet, but I'm heavily in favor. We'll see.