Singing for a smaller me

Back in March I challenged myself to "get my groove back" to get back into the workout rhythm, and guess what I didn't do? Surprise!!! I didn't get back into working out nor is my "groove back". Instead I got this gem thrown my way at the beginning of April: a f**king arrhythmia (#$%*!) and doctor's orders to lay off the exercise.

I have to admit I was pretty upset at the whole thing. Upset at myself using it as an excuse to stop working out entirely because doctor's orders to lay off high and moderate intensity workouts meant stopping entirely, right? Upset that my doctor went out of town on vacation before getting back to me with the results of my tests (so I went three weeks without any information!!). And upset because I actually wanted to work out. Grr. Argh.

And the resulting "I'm sick" mindset left me yo-yoing back and forth with the same three pounds all flipping month. This is my not happy face.

Over the weekend, I slapped that "I'm sick" mindset out of existence, took control, and started back on some low to moderate-low cardio and instituted a regular weight lifting program. Woo!

Yesterday, still feeling spectacularly maid of fail, despite having worked out Saturday and Monday night, I finally sent a frustrated e-mail off to the doc. According to the Kaiser e-mail system (which I kind of hate with the fire of Hades) he was back from vacation which meant I might hear back within twenty-four hours.

Surprise of surprise, I heard back from my doctor this morning (slightly more than 16 hours later - OMG!!!). The results are better news than expected: no signs of an arrhythmia (what?!?!) and clearance to get back into my regular workout schedule. Holy carp! You've got to be freaking kidding me! If there's any time that calls for a happy dance this is it. Watch out world! I'm back!

I was pretty scared when I heard the word "arrhythmia" the first time. I cried. I cried in the doctor's office. I cried when the lab techs drew blood. I cried before and after the treadmill test. I cried when they put that stupid heart monitor on me for twenty four hours. And I cried every freaking day for nearly two weeks. It made me realize just how long I had taken my health for granted. Being overweight, smoking (I smoked for years), massive amounts of caffeine (like kill a large bovine creature large amounts), drinking to excess, stress - lots and lots of stress - all these things have taken a toll on my body. They've weakened me, and I pretended to be fine all that time!

No more. I'm learning to respect my body, to feed it food to fuel it, not food to satiate the child within. I'm learning to strengthen my body. I'm learning that I only have one body and if I don't change my habits now, I won't have it for much longer.

Face it folks, food is not that important. Your life is. Your family, your friends, the blue sky, the wind in your hair. All of these things are blessings. Don't give it up to satisfy your passing desire to eat a piece of chocolate cake. Revel in your life - all of it. Appreciate what is around you because it is too easy to lose it all.

My groove is back. It really is, because I know what will happen if I lose it again.

Image from: www.nataliedee.com