Singing for a smaller me

My body and I are currently at odds with one another. I would like to go out and enjoy the weather that finally seems to be getting better. My body, on the other hand, wants me to laying in the fetal position suffering from cramps. Joy.

Oh, Aunt Flo, I love you but wish you had better timing. Ugh.

Yesterday, I wrote a post about reality tv shows and my shame at getting caught up in the Biggest Loser phenomenon. Of course, I never posted it because I was too busy cooking, finding the perfect "shame" lolcat, and watching the Biggest Loser Finale to post. Ha!

So here it is, a day late, for your viewing pleasure:

Does anyone besides me remember when "Reality" shows ceased being real? Not that they were ever really real, but you know what I mean - before producers started manufacturing conflict by sticking people with polar opposite personalities in the same house and seeing who came out alive. (Does the name Puck ring a bell? Yep, from The Real World on MTV. The beginning of the end.)

I've never been a big fan of reality shows. Survivor sucked, Big Brother made me want to gag, and don't get me started on the Bachelor (or the plus size version "More to Love"). Ugh, Ugh, UGH.

No one was more surprised than me when I was won over by the Biggest Loser. Seriously. I was probably the most vocal person I know about unrealistic expectations and its effect on the plus size population. Every time I turn the television on to watch TBL I have this automatic shame response. To quote Madeline Kahn in Clue, "Fla-, Flames, on the side of my face".

Still, I'm ridiculously excited to watch tonight's Finale. Will Koli or Daris be the last member of the Final Three? I voted for Koli - California girl here. Who's gonna win the at-home prize? My bet is either Darrell or O'Neal. How much more weight will Ashley and Michael have lost? And I can't wait to see Shay weigh in!!!!

Since the hubby will be out with friends, I'm contemplating watching Live instead of recording because - dammit - I don't want it to be spoiled!!!

And - I'm shaking my head in disbelief at thinking this - I can't wait for next season.


(There ends the day late post or what I decided to keep as of this morning)

My reactions to the Biggest Loser finale (in stream of consciousness mode):

• I'm a little frustrated that although TBL is filmed in California, the live Finale episode is broadcast on a tape delay. Not okay with this. Totally not okay.


• Wow, Daris really seems to have figured sh*t out in his head. And his girlfriend is super cute. And he's so nice. Wait, seriously, is Allison crushing on Daris? Cause he kind of looks like a soap star now. A big hunk of farmboy soap star, but still.


• Um, wow, Koli, the pink pants have got to go. And please remember to pull your shoulders back. Okay, not surprised America voted you out of the Top Three.


• Shay looks beautiful. Is it just me or does her make-up seem a little on orange-y side?


• Yay! Eric lost a lot of the weight again. Sweet. Wait, how long has it been since the episode where he was on advising the contestants on the pitfalls of leaving the ranch?!?!


• Cherita and Victoria - you have got to give Cherita some serious credit here, she looks fab and she never spent a day on the Ranch. Just goes to show you what you can do at home.


• Sherry and Maria - holy cow, look at how tiny Sherry is. My god! And Maria - she looks fifteen years younger. Seriously. She looks younger than Rebecca did at the Finale last season.


• Patti and Stephanie - I love Stephanie. She's super cute and I totally identify with her.


• John and James - Good to go, boys.


• Melissa and Lance - Wow, Melissa looks hot. Amazingly hot, and she's really pretty. Still a b*tch apparently. And Lance, wow, guess he can start trying to get that job back now.


• Migdalia and Miggy - Wow, Miggy. Wow. That's all I have to say. Holy Cow! Why am I not surprised that they had these guys come out at the same time as Melissa and Lance? Guess the producers wanted to see if they could start a fight and really raise the ratings. Since hockey season is basically over and all.


• O'Neal and Sunshine. Love O'Neal. Love. Love. Love. And the suit: wow. Sunshine - I would have loved to see her in her makeover episode dress, but still pretty freaking amazing.


• Darrell and Andrea. I don't know what to say because Darrell looks so totally different. I'm in shock. But not. Because I knew he could do it. See, I said Darrell or O'Neal.


• Cheryl - O.M.G. She looks so super cute and dainty. And then they're showing that screaming footage. And then cute and dainty. Rawr.


• Sam and Koli. Surprise, Sam is cute, Koli isn't standing up straight. Hatecakes on the pink pants. Woops, looks like it's gonna be Koli. Huh.


• Love, love, love the whole Marilyn Monroe-esque look Ashley has going on. Super hot!


• Wow, Michael looks great. But he needs to lose the jeans and the belt buckle. Not okay. Really not okay. And wait, is there something going on between Michael and Ashley cause it looked like he was about to kiss her.


• Did the make-up artists go a little heavy on the bronzer and self tanners? because, yeah, it was not okay.


• Oops, surprise, Michael won. I knew if Koli wasn't in the Top Three Michael was gonna win.

Okay, gonna go hang my head in shame now.