Singing for a smaller me

Sixteen weeks. That's about how long the average person's motivation to stick with a weight loss program lasts. Um, scary!

In the past I've made it to that sixteen week mark multiple times, and it always seems like that's when I start finding excuses to not go to meetings, eat a little bit too much, not exercise because I'm "too tired", and so on. Maybe you couldn't tell, but I'm fast approaching that sixteen week mark. As a matter of fact, I'm less than two weeks away from it with Weight Watchers, and I'm so scared I'll repeat the same pattern again I could cry.

I really feel I hit that unbearable place where I can't stand being this weight anymore. That my health and body *must* lose this weight for sanity's sake. That this time is it, I'm doing it this time and nothing's going to stop me.

But there's also this little voice in my head whispering, telling me I can't do it, that I'm always going to be fat and I should just give up now so I don't disappoint myself when I hit sixteen weeks and start sabotaging myself.

Do I distrust myself? my resolve? Have I gone through this pattern so many times that I'm skeptical of my affirmation that I can do this?

Well, I'm not listening to that little voice anymore. Starting today, I've decided I'm not going to rely on gung ho motivation to get me there. This isn't something I'm just going to sail along and finish without any thought or work. If I have to claw and scratch and fight tooth and nail to get this weight gone, then that's what I'm going to do.

I will not let fear run my life nor will I doubt myself.

Today, I recommit myself to my weight loss. Today is week one all over again.

Okay. Good.

Then the question must be what am I going to do to recommit?

Reminding myself of my healthy habits. Day One from the Beck Diet Solution. Reasons I want to lose weight:

1) I'll be in better health

2) I'll feel better mentally and physically

3) I'll like myself more

4) I'll be happier when I look in the mirror and see myself in pictures

5) I'll have more confidence

6) I'll be able to exercise without discomfort or exhaustion

7) I'll look better

8) I won't mind eating in front of others

9) I'll wear a smaller size

10) I'll be able to wear more stylish clothing

11) I'll be able to shop in the "normal" size section of the department store

12) And on a very personal note, it might increase my chances of being cast in roles in musical theatre and opera.

You know? I do feel a little bit better now. It's been too long since I've really looked at the reasons I want to lose weight, and with 20 lbs gone for good I'm already starting to reap some of these benefits.