Singing for a smaller me

I have no patience for people who treat me like crap. That being said, why is it I treated myself that way for so long?

In another time and place, when I was still a teenager, I excelled at letting myself be treated like a doormat. A big, gigantic doormat with the words "Welcome, Make Yourself at Home" scrawled across my forehead. When someone finally took advantage of that kindness and threw it in my face, I learned my lesson. After that day, I promised myself I'd never let someone do it to me again.

That didn't stop me from treating my body like a doormat. For years I threw all kinds of junk at it all the time. And it didn't mind the junk. . . at first. But, over time, my stomach grew more and more angry, and before you know it, turned on me - culminating in three years of daily heartburn medication. One would think after three years of heartburn I'd get the picture!! But I didn't. Nope. So, the rest of my body began to turn on me! And I still didn't get the picture?!?

*insert sounds of yelling at myself here*

Understand, my old self always placed the blame on anyone or anything or any place else. It was never my fault. And moving forward meant learning to accept that I did this to myself. Let me repeat that: I did this to myself.

It took me six months to wake up. Six months *after* I was placed on heart medication. Six months to finally give up the ghost and stop pretending I was just fine. And even then I wasn't totally convinced, but I started trying.

Now I can say, nine months after waking up and seeing the bigger picture, that I got the message. It took a while to internalize, but I have the werewithal to stick with it and to treat myself with the respect I deserve. Because, yes, I deserve to be respected. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to live a full and happy life.

So, my philosophy is pretty simple: Wake up in the morning and ask myself "am I going to treat myself like crap today?" When preparing to take a bite of that mozzarella stick ask "is this treating myself like crap?" Before skipping that workout because you're too tired, same thing.

It boils down to this: I want to enjoy my life, therefore I cannot continue to treat myself/body like a doormat.